


Painful Truths

by DaronwyK



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Good Lucius Malfoy, Secret Relationship, Severus Snape Lives, Unbreakable Vow (Harry Potter), dark themes, mature content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 23:29:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15651141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaronwyK/pseuds/DaronwyK
Summary: After Voldemort is destroyed, Hermione is released from an Unbreakable Vow. Through the secrets she shares with Harry and others, a hidden history of the war is revealed.





	1. Alive

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This will be somewhat different from my usual style. The backstory will be told through a series of flashbacks as Hermione and Severus recount the hidden circumstances that brought them together. It will not always be in chronological order. Warnings for Character Death and dark themes.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

 

Voldemort was dead. Relief flooded through Hermione, for a wide variety of reasons…the largest being that she could literally feel a massive weight lifting off of her as she was freed from an Unbreakable Vow she'd foolishly made years ago. She headed over to Harry, hugging him tightly where he knelt amongst the rubble, clutching the Elder wand and Draco's in his hands. Through it all, they had managed to win the war, and come out of it alive. After a moment, she pulled back and met his eyes.

 

"We have to go back to the Shrieking Shack. It's important." Hermione's expression was grim. She was hoping they weren't too late, that Severus had managed to buy himself enough time.

 

"Snape's dead, Hermione…why?" Harry frowned but let her drag him up to his feet.

 

"I'll explain later, I promise, but right now we need to go back there," she insisted and Harry nodded.

 

"Oi! Where are you two going?" Ron shouted, running to catch them as they started heading for the passage under the Whomping Willow.

 

"Hermione says we need to go back, there's something important there." Harry shouted, barely keeping pace with Hermione's near frantic run.

 

Hermione shot an _Immobulus_ at the tree, barely breaking stride. Her magic was at its limits after the battle, but adrenaline and desperation were pushing her beyond where she'd thought she could go. He had to be alive, he just had to be. She climbed up into the shack and stopped dead in the doorway of the room they'd left him in. There was a pool of blood…but his body was gone. Her eyes narrowed and went to where she'd last seen his wand, there were some bloody streaks on the grimy wood, but it too was missing. She pulled out Bellatrix's wand and cast an intricate charm, different pieces of light flickering in the air. A shimmer of purple swirls, and an all too familiar feel told the tale.

 

"Hermione…what are you doing?" Harry blinked as he and Ron appeared behind her, both of them gasping for air and looking utterly bewildered.

 

She let out a ragged breath. "He's alive," she whispered, relief flooding through her.

 

"Hermione, we saw him die. You were there with us," Harry said carefully.

 

"We **_thought_** we saw him die," Hermione corrected him and pointed to the purple swirl in the air over where Snape had been lying. "That's his magical signature, the swirl is a disapparation mark. It wasn't dittany I poured over his wounds, it was a vial of Phoenix tears," she said.

 

"What's going on?" Harry asked, sensing that something wasn't quite right.

 

"Why would you waste something like that on a foul git like Snape?" Ron frowned.

 

Hermione ignore them both for a moment and turned away. "Winky?"

 

There was an audible pop and the little house elf appeared, blood smeared on her white pillowcase. "Missy Herminny…"

 

"Is he?"

 

"The Headmaster is safe, Missy…we's taking care of him," Winky said and paused. "Must go!" The little creature disappeared.

 

Hermione ran a hand through her hair and leaned against the wall. "This is going to be a pretty long explanation, let's head back to the castle and I'll try and give you the broad strokes at least." She mentally cursed at Professor Dumbledore for having arranged everything this way. Logically, she knew why he'd done it, but it didn't make her job now any easier. Keeping things from Harry never went well, and this was the mother of all secrets.

 

"No…you need to tell us right now what the bloody hell is going on!" Ron shouted.

 

"Ron, Hermione's right. Let's head back and check on everyone, and then we'll hear her out. I have a feeling this is going to be a long story." Harry reached out and touched Hermione's shoulder. "You've never steered me wrong, so I'm willing to go on a little faith now."

 

Hermione gave Harry a small smile, the trust in his eyes breaking her heart a little. "Thank you, I promise I'll tell you everything…now that I finally can." She let Harry pull her under his arm as they headed out of the Shrieking Shack.

 

When they exited back out into the open air, Hermione paused and breathed deeply. Now that the battle was over and she knew Severus was alive and being tended to, her exhaustion hit her like a wave. It was even more horrible because she knew that it would likely be a very long time before she could rest. The sheer amount of information she needed to share was staggering.

 

"I guess it all started the summer after the Triwizard Tournament, when we knew Voldemort was back," Hermione said, eyes getting a far-away look as she remembered the events of that summer. "I knew instantly that things were going to get really bad, and probably very quickly. During the first wizarding war, Muggleborns and their families were the first ones to be targeted. The things they did were horrific, and only chronicled in a few books that are certainly not available in the Hogwarts Library. After our first year, I went looking for information about what he did the first time round, so that when he returned I would know exactly what lay in store…"

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**July, 1995**

**~Flashback~**

 

Hermione was sitting in an empty park just a few minutes from the Leaky Cauldron, the rain beating down on her and soaking her through to the bone. She didn't know what to do…not anymore. Voldemort was back and she wasn't stupid. As Harry's muggle-born best friend, there was no question that she would be a target along with her parents. The history of the first wizarding war was well known to her, and Voldemort had often targeted families of known muggle-born witches and wizards. Last month, Harry had returned to Hogwarts clutching the Goblet of Fire and Cedric's dead body, and in that moment her whole world had changed.

 

There was an old potion she'd discovered in the Restricted Section, used in ages past to help a muggle-born dissolve ties to the muggle world. There had often been situations where it was necessary, and even preferable for them to leave muggle parents and siblings behind. Memory charms were tricky things, and so this potion had been developed. She'd brewed it before she left Hogwarts, and a quick trip to Knockturn Alley had gotten her hands on an unregistered wand for the charms work that would be required after.

 

She'd erased herself from their lives and they were now selling their home, planning to relocate to the South of France…a long held dream they were finally realizing. All of her belongings were now tucked into a little beaded bag, an undetectable extension charm had been added by a helpful witch for a small sum of money. She'd withdrawn all the money from her muggle bank account and closed it, before opening an account at Gringotts with the funds. Her grandmother had left her some money in her will, and her parents had deposited money every month for her…deciding that was how they would help her get a start in the wizarding world when she came of age. Tears slipped from her eyes and mingled with the rain.

 

Three thousand galleons was a modest sum, but at least it would give her some money to start her life after school. She'd left Diagon Alley and was honestly at a loss for what to do next. She couldn't go to the Weasleys…no, no one could know what she'd done. Her actions weren't exactly legal, and she didn't know if any of them would be able to understand why she'd done it.

 

"Miss Granger?" A startled voice cut through her misery, and she looked up, seeing Professor Snape standing there, gawking at her. She imagine that she must look a fright, soaking wet and not dressed for the weather.

 

"Professor…"

 

"What on earth are you doing out here alone? At this hour?" He asked, sharp coal-black eyes examining every inch of her, as if looking for some injury.

 

"I don't have anywhere else to go," she admitted quietly, too much in need of help to lie to him.

 

He pressed his lips together and offered her a hand. "Well you can't stay here, come with me."

 

"Where are we going?" she asked.

 

"Somewhere safe." He wrapped an arm around her thin shoulders, and after a look around he apparated them to a dark, rain-soaked street. He took a slip of paper from his pocket and shoved it into her hand. "Read it."

 

**The Headquarters of the Order of the Pheonix is located at 12 Grimmauld Place.**

 

As she finished reading it, she blinked as a house seemed to appear out of nowhere, sandwiched between number eleven and number thirteen. She looked at her Professor questioningly.

 

"The House is protected under the Fidelius Charm. I was supposed to give that to someone else, but I can always go and retrieve them later. Let's get you inside and you can tell me what's happened." He led her up the steps and inside the house.

 

Hermione resisted the urge to make a face at the dark, somewhat sinister interior. There were mounted House Elf heads on the wall, and the umbrella stand looked like a severed troll's foot. She walked down the hallway beside her Professor, when the door ahead opened and Lucius Malfoy stepped out, freezing instantly.

 

"Severus…what in the name of Merlin is she doing here?" Lucius fixed the soaking wet witch with a withering look.

 

"It's apparently a long story, which she will be sharing with me shortly. Perhaps you'd best come back into the kitchen and we will explain a few things to her," Severus said, and together the three stepped into the kitchen where the Headmaster was sitting with Sirius and someone else she didn't recognize.

 

"Ah…Miss Granger, what an unexpected surprise. Please, have a seat." The Headmaster gave her a kindly smile, looking completely unperturbed by her unexpected arrival. Sirius went and got a blanket to wrap around her, and a snarling House Elf brought her over tea, muttering under his breath about filth and bloodtraitors.

 

"Now Miss Granger, I believe you already know Sirius and Mr. Malfoy and this is Auror Kingsley Shacklebolt." The Headmaster made the introductions. "We are all members of a secret organization known as the Order of the Phoenix, and we are dedicated to the destruction of Lord Voldemort and the protection of the Wizarding world," he explained.

 

"But Mr. Malfoy is…"

 

"A Death Eater, yes…as is Professor Snape. Both of them have chosen to assist us from the shadows, as it were." He gave her a little wink, as if this was some kind of game. "As such, you can understand that their involvement must be a carefully guarded secret. Voldemort is aware that Severus is my spy, but he is currently completely unaware of Lucius' new allegiances. I'm afraid I will need to require you to swear an oath to not reveal his involvement, until Voldemort has been defeated once and for all."

 

"Of course." She agreed, her eyes going to Lucius Malfoy. "I swear on my magic to not speak about Lucius Malfoy's involvement with the Order of the Phoenix, until after the destruction of You-Know-Who."

 

Lucius merely nodded curtly, before turning on his heel and stalking out. It was clear he did not think much of her promise.

 

"I should be going as well, I have an important dinner meeting that I cannot miss." The Headmaster stood. "I am sure I will see you again soon, Miss Granger." He and the Auror left the kitchen and in that moment all of the focus went back on her.

 

"Now, perhaps you can expand on what you said when I found you in that park looking like a drowned gutter rat?" Severus said, an eyebrow arched at the girl.

 

"I sent my parents away, to protect them," Hermione said quietly. "I hadn't quite figured out where I was going to go afterwards…." Her professor muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'foolish gryffindors'.

 

"Nonesense, you'll be staying here," Sirius said firmly. "You helped save my life, the least I can do is offer you a home until this war is over mmm?"

 

"Sirius I…."

 

"Miss Granger, it is quite simply unsafe for you to be wandering about on your own, for many reasons. I suggest you take the mutt's offer," Severus said smoothly.

 

"Why are you even still here, Snivellus?" Sirius pinned him with a look.

 

"Why you…"

 

"Thank you, Sirius. I'd be happy to stay," Hermione interrupted, eyes flicking between them. The instant tension in the room was smothering, and she didn't much want to see what would happen when it broke. "Maybe you could show me to a room?" she asked.

 

"Yes, Black…why don't you do something useful for a change?" Professor Snape sneered and stormed out of the room, door slamming hard in the hinges behind him.

 

"Git," Sirius muttered and stood. "Come on, let's find you a room and we'll get it sorted out." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and led her up through the house, motioning for her to be quiet as they passed a curtain covered portrait on the landing.

 

He took her up to the first floor, and opened a room. "This might do nicely for you." There was a large, four poster bed, a writing desk, bookshelves, and a very large wardrobe against the far wall. "This was the room my Aunt would stay in when she came to visit."

 

Hermione gave him a genuine smile. "Was this your house?" she asked, having a hard time imagining him growing up here.

 

"Yes, this is the lovely place I grew up in, the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black." He snorted. "It's not much to look at I'm afraid, but between the enchantments my family has laid on it over the years and what Dumbledore's added, there isn't a safer place in all of Britain. Please, consider it your home…for as long as you need." He squeezed her shoulder. "Now, shall we get to cleaning?"

 

"I'm not allowed to use magic outside of school…" She frowned, not mentioning her illicit wand tucked neatly into the wand sheath, hidden under her shirt.

 

"This place is unplottable, so no one can track your magic usage here. There's too much residual magic in the building itself. Feel free to practice whatever comes to mind." He winked at her and pulled out his wand.

 

Hermione laughed and drew her vinewood wand, and between her and Sirius the room was soon spotless. He left her to get settled in, and promised to give the bathroom a thorough cleaning for her. She practiced some charms, changing the colour of the walls from a dark green to a pale cream. The window dressings were soon changed to match and she transfigured the bedding to a pale grassy green. It made the room brighter, but still didn't change too much of the inherent character of the place. She put her clothing in the wardrobe and started putting her books on the shelf.

 

Everything was almost perfect, except for missing Crookshanks. Hermione sighed and sat down on the bed. She'd left him at Hogwarts in Hagrid's care. She'd told Hagrid that she was worried about him being stressed by too much travelling over the summer, and of course the kindly half-giant had promised to look after him. A knock at her door roused her from her thoughts and she went to open it.

 

"Dinner will be ready soon…well, that looks nice," Sirius said, seeing the small changes she'd made. "Maybe you should go through and do a few more rooms." He winked.

 

"I'll be down in a few minutes." She promised.

 

"Ok." He said and headed down the stairs.

 

Hermione got changed out of her wet things, and then went downstairs.

 

"Kreacher!" Sirius shouted as she entered the kitchen.

 

"Yes cruel, nasty Master?" He appeared, the wrinkled old thing sneering at them both.

 

"This is Hermione Granger, and she will be a guest here for the time being. You will speak civilly to her and obey her commands." Sirius said.

 

"Kreacher will obey filthy little mudblood, as Master commands." He shuffled off.

 

Hermione blinked. "Is he…."

 

"Off his rocker? Completely." Sirius said.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**~Present~**

**May 2** **nd** **1998**

 

"What? Lucius Malfoy was part of the Order!" Harry looked stunned as they paused at the steps in front of Hogwarts.

 

Hermione nodded. "Apparently, he came to Dumbledore just a few days after what happened in the graveyard. Always count on a Slytherin to hedge their bets and make sure they have a way out of anything that comes along." She chuckled and they climbed the steps. She'd learned a lot about Slytherin sensibilities over the last few years. "How else did you think Dobby was able to get into Malfoy Manor to save us?" She raised an eyebrow at Harry.

 

"But he just stood there and watched you be tortured!" Harry grabbed her arm, clearly having a hard time accepting what she was telling him. "If he was really on our side why didn't he do something?"

 

"He didn't have a wand, Harry. What was he going to do against Bellatrix and Greyback, without a wand? He did the only thing he could, he adjusted the wards to allow us to escape. As master of the Manor, he could have prevented it very easily," she said simply. "We should get Minerva and Kingsley before I continue…things start getting complicated from that point." It was going to be a very long night.

 

TBC


	2. Unforgivable Vows

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

 

Together the three friends entered the Great Hall and Hermione’s heart suddenly dropped out of her chest. The Weasleys were gathered around a body, sobbing. Ron took off running, but Hermione did a quick calculation. Arthur was holding Molly, Fred and George were standing stoically behind them, and Percy was slumped against the wall, his face white as a sheet. Then Hermione stopped counting Weasleys, she saw the long spill of red hair against the stone. Oh no…

 

“Ginny…” Harry whispered and fell to his knees as if he’d been stabbed.

 

Hermione knelt and wrapped him in her arms, knowing that despite the breakup last summer…Harry had loved the fiery witch. It had never made any sense to her, but love didn’t always make sense. She’d learned the hard way that sometimes the heart made its own choices, and reason be damned. Harry was still for a long time, before standing and looking at her with haunted green eyes. What worried her most was the fact that his eyes were dry.

 

“Let’s find McGonagall and Kingsley,” Harry said, his voice hollow.

 

“Harry we can wait…” Hermione said softly.

 

“NO!” Harry snapped. “I’m tired of the lies…I need to know the truth, all of it.”

 

Hermione flinched, but nodded. The two people they needed were over against the far wall she headed that way. This was not going to be a pleasant conversation, for anyone, and Hermione desperately wished that she could sleep first, but Harry was right. It was time for the truth to come out. “Professor, Kings….there are some things that you both need to hear. Things Professor Dumbledore didn’t want shared until it was all over.”

 

Kingsley nodded and looked at her. “He told me that when it was done, that I should go to you for answers.” He looked about as tired as Hermione felt, his robes torn and spotted with blood in a few places. They’d all fought hard to win the day, and paid a steep price for that victory.

 

“Come, let’s head up to my office. I think we could all use a good stiff drink,” Minerva said after a moment, looking at them.

 

Hermione was silent as they climbed the stairs and navigated rubble to reach the Transfiguration Professor’s office. She all but collapsed into the nearest chair and accepted a couple fingers worth of scotch. She took a small sip and felt the warmth spread through her. Harry was staring at her wide-eyed as she drank the scotch without so much as a grimace, and she knew that she’d shocked him. Hermione waited until everyone was seated.

 

“Just to catch you both up to where Harry is. The summer after the tournament, I severed ties with the muggle world in order to protect my parents. I knew they would be targets, so I did what was necessary to keep them safe. That was the day we met, Kings,” Hermione said quietly.

 

“I’d always wondered why you looked so…lost that day,” he said somberly.

 

“Professor Snape found me not far from the Leaky Cauldron in a park, and he took me to Headquarters. Sirius offered to let me stay there, since I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I thought that would be the extent of my involvement with the Order until I was older. However, professor Dumbledore had other ideas…” Hermione said quietly.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**~Flashback~**

**July, 1995**

 

Hermione was heading down to the kitchen for some lunch when she heard raised voices coming through the closed door. Moving on silent feet and carefully avoiding the creaky board in the hallway, she crept closer and listened in.

 

“It’s absolutely absurd. She’s a child and more to the point, the girl doesn’t have a subtle bone in her body. If you absolutely must make use of her, she’d be far more valuable in a research type position or even being trained to keep her idiotic friend in one piece when he goes haring off half-cocked.” Severus’ voice was raised and clearly agitated.

 

“Now Severus, surely you must admit that Miss Granger is far more mature than her years would imply, and I can think of no one else that could conceivably learn what is necessary in the short time ahead of us. Subtlety can be learned, and discretion taught. After your last summoning, can you truly say that there is no reason for me to be concerned about your continued future as our spy?” Dumbledore’s tone was patronizing, and Hermione could almost imagine Professor Snape’s eye twitching.

 

There was a heavy silence and then the door opened, exposing Hermione where she’d been pressed against it. She stumbled through the now open doorway and straightened, cheeks flaming red at being caught.

 

“Yes…practically a natural,” Severus drawled, pinning her with an unfriendly look.

 

“Come and join us, Miss Granger. Severus and I were just having a discussion about you.” The Headmaster just smiled benignly at her.

 

Hermione swallowed and came to sit down, biting at her bottom lip. “I heard enough to guess that.” Her Professor snorted, and she had the grace to look chastened.

 

“Miss Granger, do you know what Professor Snape’s function is within the Order?” Dumbledore asked her.

 

“He is the Order’s spy, Sir.” Hermione said.

 

“Correct. If we were to lose him, our ability to gather intelligence would suffer a tremendous blow, as you can imagine. While Mr. Malfoy would be a secondary means of information, we would not be able to act on even half of it lest we expose him. Now, in light of your actions to protect your family…I believe I can safely say that you are very committed to the upcoming conflict?”

 

“I don’t have much choice in the matter, I’m muggleborn…staying neutral won’t really be an option for me,” Hermione said, narrowing her eyes a little. The Headmaster’s slightly patronizing tone was not doing wonders for her.

 

“Good, see Severus, she understands what’s to come. I’ll leave you to discuss the particulars with her and when she’d ready to swear the oath to the Order, bring her to Library.” Albus smiled and swept out as if there had been something profound decided.

 

Hermione instantly frowned and turned to face Professor Snape. He looked instantly weary and sat down at the table, nodding absently as Kreacher brought him over some tea and a plate of biscuits. Kreacher brought her tea as well, but snarled at her as he did it.

 

“The Headmaster has asked me to prepare you in the event that you might be asked to take over my duties as the Order’s official spy. He feels that it would be prudent to have a contingency plan in place, in the event that my true loyalties are discovered.” Severus explained, watching her face closely. “The problem is that I don’t think you have the kind of intelligence needed to successfully learn what I need to teach you. This is not something you can learn from a book, Miss Granger. This is a situation where I will give you knowledge, and you will have to parse out how to apply it on your own. There is no how-to guide, or step by step procedure. You must learn to think for yourself, something you have always struggled with. You have a brilliant capacity for recall, but original innovation is something I have never seen from you.”

 

Hermione’s face burned with embarrassment and no small amount of anger. He was always chastising her for that in classes, and it wasn't fair. 

 

“So, first let me ask you this: Do you trust me?” Professor Snape looked into her eyes.

 

“I do, sir,” Hermione answered instantly, feeling it in her gut. She might not like him, but she did trust him.

 

“Why?” Severus asked and raised an eyebrow in challenge.

 

“Professor Dumbledore trusts you, and I trust him,” Hermione replied.

 

“That is a child’s answer.” He snorted. “Use your brain. Look back over our interactions since you came to Hogwarts, analyse everything you personally know about me, and then answer the question. Whether the Headmaster trusts me or not is irrelevant to this conversation. A spy does not rely on the impressions of others, they trust only themselves and what they observe with their own eyes. Anything else can be a lie, a misdirection, and lead to your discovery or death,” He said. “Take your time, and formulate an informed answer.”

 

Hermione’s jaw snapped shut at the harsh reproof, but knew he was right. She looked down at her tea cup, and mulled everything over in her head. At length, she lifted her head and met his eyes. “I trust you, because regardless of what you might say, your actions have always demonstrated that you are committed to protecting Harry, and by extension the rest of us. You’re harsh in classes, but Gryffindor is always paired with Slytherin, so I imagine you have to maintain a certain persona in those lessons, but you’ve never given me an unfair grade.” That was hard to admit to, but he was probably the only Professor at Hogwarts that made her earn her grades. “You clearly had concerns about our safety in third year. You set an essay on werewolves, so that we all might be aware of how to protect ourselves. It was all you could do, but it was better than nothing. If you were really loyal to You-Know-Who, it would have been simple to sabotage the Mandrake solution and kill all of us who had been petrified, but you didn’t. And if you weren’t on our side, you could have taken me from that park and delivered me to *him*. No one would have ever known it was you, so there was no risk and I’m sure one of Harry’s friends would have been valuable to your Dark Lord. That is why I trust you,” Hermione said finally.

 

The barest smile curved up the corner of his mouth. “Well reasoned, Miss Granger. To begin with, you will need to learn the foundations of Occlumency, and that will occupy most of your summer. Once school resumes, I will find ways to continue the lessons I feel you require. If you are unable to learn Occlumency to my standard, there will be no further lessons. Not everyone has the aptitude, and without it…you would not last five minutes as a spy in the Dark Lord’s ranks,” he said.

 

“What is Occlumency, sir?” Hermione asked.

 

“It is the art of protecting your innermost thoughts and experiences from mental attack. In its most advanced form you can falsify memories, gain resistance to certain truth serums, and employ it to withstand extensive torture. There are two basic types of mind magic, and in both types you find some people have a natural affinity to one or the other. A Legilimens is someone that can look into the mind of another, rifling through their thoughts and examining their memories. It is an offensive type of magic and if used crudely, it can destroy the targets mind…rendering them into human vegetables. Both Professor Dumbledore and the Dark Lord are extremely gifted legilimens.” He let that sink in for a moment, continuing only when the understanding dawned on her. “A truly skilled master of legilimency can slip into your mind unnoticed, and examine your surface thoughts and feelings. It is why the Headmaster always knows when one of the students is lying to him.”

 

“But that’s...”

 

“Wildly unethical…yes.” He chuckled. “Even the most talented Legilimens cannot go deeper without you feeling it, at first it’s an uncomfortable pressure, but then there is pain. Having a legilimens tear through your mind is nothing less than a form of rape, a violation that you never quite get used to. The Dark lord is quite fond of reminding his followers that they have no secrets of him.”

 

Hermione swallowed uncomfortably.

 

“Occlumency is the opposite of Legilimency, and is a very defensive kind of magic. There are more natural occlumens than legilimens, but it takes study and dedication to take that natural ability and form it into an impenetrable barrier to protect your secrets. I can look either one of my masters in the eye while I lie and they’d never know it, Miss Granger. They see only what I wish them to see, and that is the only way I have been able to stay alive this long. It is also the reason why my life is so very much in danger. They are both aware of my gift in this area, and it naturally breeds some healthy suspicion.” Severus said, explaining it to her.

 

“How do you know if someone has a natural talent for Occlumency?” Hermione’s head fell to the side as she tried to wrap her head around the new concept.

 

“It’s hard to say, without attempting to enter your mind. With your permission, I could check.” He offered.

 

Hermione took a shaky breath and nodded. “If I have to learn, it’s probably better to know.”

 

“Very well.” He slipped his wand out, and looked into her eyes. “Legillimens.”

 

Hermione felt a strange sensation, like an itch inside her brain. Then it intensified and she could feel certain memories swimming up behind her eyes. There was a flash of the dark interior of _Moribund’s_ and the wand she’d purchased there. Hermione panicked, struggling against the invisible presence in her mind and then suddenly it was gone.

 

Severus raised an eyebrow. “We’ll discuss _that_ at a later date, Miss Granger,” he said, a considering look crossing his face. “You do have some natural ability, and we will be able to build on it. Now, the Headmaster wishes to see you. I advise you to give careful thought to accepting his offer. I did not have the luxury of choice, but you still do. Once you are in, there is never any getting out,” he warned.

 

Hermione nodded and stood, following Professor Snape to the Library. The two men exchanged a long look, before the Headmaster stood and walked over to stand in front of her.

 

“Normally, we do not allow anyone to join the Order of the Phoenix until they have reached the age of majority, but given your somewhat…enthusiastic use of a time turner in your 3rd year, I imagine your age is somewhat different from what is stated on your birth certificate.” He said, raising his eyebrows.

 

“Yes Sir…I added about eight months to my age that year,” she admitted.

 

“So you will be turning 17…”

 

“On January 15th, Sir,” Hermione admitted, wincing a little under the incredulous look from her potions professor. She’d kept track because the trace would break when she physically turned seventeen, and not on her official birthday.

 

“Very well. Because of the sensitive nature of the work I intend you to do, I must ask you to take an Unbreakable Vow, Miss Granger. Do you understand what that means?” He asked, a harsh look silencing Snape’s immediate protests. The look that passed between them was not…benign, and at length the Headmaster shifted his gaze back to her.

 

“If I break the terms of the vow, I die.” She blinked, realizing just how serious this was. “What do you want me to swear to?” There was no way she was blindly agreeing to anything.

 

“You will swear that anything I share with you can be discussed only with Professor Snape or myself, until Lord Voldemort is defeated,” he said. “On this, I must be extremely clear. If you do not agree, then you will not be involved with Order or receive any special training.”

 

Hermione felt an uncomfortable twist in her gut. “I can’t discuss it, but can I act on the things I learn in order to protect Harry?” Well, Harry and herself.

 

“Yes, but you can tell him nothing until everything is over. There is a reason to control what Harry knows, Miss Granger. It is for his own safety, and the security of the Order. On this I will not compromise,” Dumbledore said.

 

Hermione felt herself nodding. “I’ll swear the vow.”

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**~Present~**

**May 2 nd, 1998**

 

Hermione paused and closed her eyes, listening to Minerva’s burst of outrage. Looking back, she felt it too. She had still been reeling from losing her parents, and completely isolated from her friends. Albus had taken advantage, and she’d let her desire to protect Harry override her common sense. Severus had castigated her about it more than once. Hell, she’d castigated herself nearly daily over this over the last year.

 

“You were technically a minor at the time,” Kingsley said after Minerva’s tirade slowed down, a considering look on his face.

 

“Yes.” Hermione answered, understanding where he was going with that thought.

 

“Binding a minor into an Unbreakable vow carries a life sentence in Azkaban.” He shook his head, looking stunned. “If the vow is especially heinous it can even result in the Kiss.”

 

“He was fairly certain I couldn’t run and tell anyone,” Hermione said drily.

 

“You agreed, knowing you’d have to keep things from me?” Harry looked torn between shock and anger.

 

Hermione sighed. “I figured it was better to know what was happening and be able to help you, than to face everything blind. I know we’d never have made it through last year if I hadn’t taken the vow. There’s no way I could have learned enough to keep us alive on my own, I’m good Harry…but I’m not Merlin,” Hermione said slightly exasperated. Sometimes it was flattering that her friends seemed to think she just had all the answers, but at others it was just maddeningly unrealistic.

 

“Did you know about Dumbledore’s death before it happened?” There was an accusing look in his green eyes that just broke Hermione’s heart.

 

“Yes, I knew,” she whispered, closing her eyes as Harry stood and left the office, the door slamming behind him. She felt tears well up in her eyes and her heart clenched. With that one admission, the odds were fair that she could lose Harry forever. It was horrible. She’d know about the vow Severus had made to Narcissa Malfoy, and Albus’ spin on it. She’d been unable to tell Harry the truth and without it, her attempts to mollify him about Snape had been met with rage and censure. She’d always known this was going to blow up in her face, and here was the proof. She almost wished Dumbledore was alive, just so she could kill him again herself.

 

“Oh, my poor girl.” Minerva said and went over to her, pulling her into her arms and stroking her hair. “You carried that alone, and you couldn’t say a word.”

 

“I wanted to, so badly…” Hermione just collapsed into the older witch’s arms, so tired of being strong. Harry would never forgive her, she knew that. “Harry already knows, but you both need to understand that Dumbledore’s death wasn’t what it seemed. He was dying, and he ordered Snape to kill him so that Voldemort would have no reason to doubt his loyalty. He wanted Snape to be named Headmaster to try and control the damage the Death Eaters could do here. You both need to believe me.” Her eyes flew between McGonagall and Kingsley, needing them to understand the truth. “It was Dumbledore’s plan, every bit of it.”

 

“I need to get to the Ministry. With everything that’s happened, there is going to be a power grab, and I need to be ahead of it,” Kingsley said after a moment. “I will do what I can to get Lucius Malfoy and Severus cleared, so when they resurface they won’t be grabbed and chucked into Azkaban. Do you know where Snape is?”

 

Hermione shook her head. “I have some idea, but I don’t know for certain.” She answered honestly.

 

“Then I believe you should get checked by the healers, and try to find somewhere to get a little sleep. We can discuss everything else later.” Kingsley turned and gave McGonagall a nod. “Minerva, I leave Hogwarts in your capable hands for the time being.”

 

“Of course.” Minerva answered, just gently stroking Hermione’s back. “Come, I’ll take you up to Poppy.”

 

Hermione shook her head. “No, I’m sure you have things to see to. I’ll head up on my own and then try and get some sleep,” she promised.

 

“If you’re certain dear…” Minerva looked unsure.

 

“I promise, I’ll be just fine. Really,” she said sincerely. Hermione had absolutely no intention of going to the Infirmary, her injuries were fairly minor and she didn't want to take up a bed. She knew where there was a bed she could be absolutely certain was empty, and it was definitely safer than sleeping out in the open.


	3. In Safety Sleep

**o.o.O.o.o**

**~Present~**

**May 2 nd, 1998**

 

 

She left Minerva’s office and used a hidden passage in the Charms corridor to slip down into the dungeons. Aware that some Death Eaters had escaped and the main wards were down, Hermione kept Bellatrix’s wand in hand. Despite her exhaustion, and mental fatigue there was still an itch between her shoulder blades borne of the months she’d spent on the run, constantly on alert and looking over her shoulder. It would be a long time before she really felt safe. Her feet led her to an isolated stretch of the dungeons and she laid her palm against a section of wall that seemed unremarkable. A wave of memory hit her, remembering her first visit to this part of the castle.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**~Flashback~**

**September 12 th, 1996**

 

Hermione was numb as they left the Headmaster’s Tower, her whole world tilted on its axis. Dumbledore was dying, and worse…he’d ordered Severus to kill him. Even more horrifying than those simple facts, she was the only one who’d know that it wasn’t murder. She paused as reached the empty hallway, and couldn’t even muster tears. She was standing on the edge of a chasm, and there was no way to keep from falling in.

 

“Miss Granger?” Distantly, she could hear Severus speaking and felt him place his hand on her shoulder. “Miss Granger? Hermione?” He changed tactics.

 

Hearing him say her name, she looked over and met his eyes. “I can’t keep this secret…” It was too much. How could the Headmaster expect her to know about this and say nothing, do nothing? It was insane. Everyone would be out for Severus’ blood and she wouldn’t be able to offer a single fact in his defence. It was so unbelievably unfair to ask this of a man who’d already given everything to this fight. The weight of this knowledge was crushing her and she couldn’t even comprehend how he could appear so calm.

 

“You must,” Severus said quietly. “Come, you’re in no fit state to return to Gryffindor Tower right now.” He sighed, and placed a hand on her back to guide her away from the Headmaster’s Tower and towards a hidden staircase that would take them down to the dungeons.

 

They exited into a section of the dungeons that Hermione had never seen before, and came to stop in front of a wall that seemed no different from any other part of the dungeons. She gave him a questioning look, sensing there was something she was missing.

 

“Place your hand on the wall, and close your eyes,” he instructed.

 

Hermione did as he told her, and just concentrated on the feeling of the castle’s magic. It wasn’t just the castle she could sense though. Under the shimmering thrum of Hogwarts magic, there was a shimmer of something else that she recognized instantly as Severus’ magic. She smiled then and opened her eyes.

 

“This is the entrance to my personal rooms and the door will only reveal itself to me, or those I give freedom of my threshold.” He reached out and placed his hand over hers, and she felt a rush of warmth flow through her and pour into the wall. A door appeared and swung open under their combined touch.

 

“Professor Slughorn’s chambers are above ground….” Hermione frowned a little.

 

“They always were, because he didn’t like living down in the ‘dank and dark’.” Severus snorted. “I prefer to be close enough to keep an eye on my Slytherins. Please, take a seat.” He gestured to one of the two green chairs by the fireplace.

 

Hermione sank down into one and blinked as he came over and pressed a tumbler filled with amber liquid and ice into her hand. Frowning at it, she tried a careful sip and made a face. “What is this?” She wrinkled her nose a little.

 

“Fire whiskey, it grows on you,” Severus said and sat down, his own much fuller glass in hand.

 

Hermione looked down into the glass, watching the ice melt and mix with the alcohol. The swirls of different densities of liquid were almost mesmerizing. “How can you let him do this to you? Everyone will think…” Her voice caught in her throat, tears stinging her eyes.

 

“That I’m a murderer, a traitor, and a loyal Death Eater.” His voice was full of bitterness, features twisted into a sneer. “That is exactly why he’s doing it. What I don’t know, is why he’s telling you. It’s a kindness not in keeping with his usual methods.” He mused before taking a long sip of his drink.

 

“What kindness? It’s not like I’ll be able to defend you when everyone turns on you, or do anything to change their minds. I won’t even be here, with Dumbledore dead I’ll be off somewhere with Harry doing Merlin knows what,” she cursed and took a bigger sip of the drink, grimacing at the taste. It really was horrid stuff, but the warmth spreading through her limbs was strangely pleasant.

 

“At least I get to know that someone out there knows the truth,” Severus whispered. “It’s better than being completely alone. I know that someday, the truth will come out.” His eyes met hers, there was a flicker of something that passed through them, but as quickly as it had appeared, it was gone. “I’ll be stepping up your lessons, we don’t have much time left.”

**o.o.O.o.o**

**~Present~**

**May 2 nd, 1998**

 

It had been almost a full year since she’d entered these rooms, but there was a warm pulse from the wards and she smiled. Clearly he had never reset them, as if knowing she might need somewhere safe to hide one day. The door appeared and she entered Severus’ old chambers. She leaned back against the door and let her eyes run over the familiar room. The two faded green wingback chairs were still sitting in front of the fire, their half-finished game of chess still on the board. His bookcases were still filled with his precious volumes, and she could almost smell the lingering notes of herbs that seemed to cling to his skin. Merlin, she needed help. Ron and Harry would commit her to the Janus Thickey Ward if they ever knew half of what ran through her mind when she thought about their former Potions Master.

 

She headed back to the bathroom, and started the water running into the claw-footed tub. Inside the small potions cabinet, she found his personal wound mix and added it to the water. The smell of myrtle and dittany filled the air, overlaid with the softer scent of vanilla. She stripped off her clothing carefully, everything was so covered with blood, grime, and other things that they probably could have walked on their own. Her hair was crunchy, stone dust and blood having dried like cement in her curls. The mirror was small and oval, only showing her face. The shadows of this last year were reflected in her eyes, tainted by a darkness that would never completely go away. She’d blackened her soul to get them through this, but it was a price she could live with.

 

Steam slowly filled the room, obscuring the glass and her reflection. She cast a dirt vanishing charm on the bath and then carefully climbed in. The hot water and healing herbs stung her wounds, making her cry out a little as she sank down until the water covered her shoulders. It was intense, but the pain faded after a few moments as the wounds were disinfected and then healed. Then she began to scrub the battle off her skin, using some of the lightly scented herbal soap and a soft flannel. The newly healed skin was pink and tender, but thankfully not sore.

 

It took three rounds of shampoo to clean her hair, and she was half-asleep by the time she crawled out of the bathtub and toweled off. The dark green bath towel was soft against her skin as she wrapped it around her, padding into the bedroom just like that. She went to the dresser and opened a bottom drawer, tears filling her eyes as she saw a neatly folded pair of red pajama pants and a white tank top…hers. She slipped them on and then all but collapsed onto the bed. She was out cold before her head ever hit the pillow.


	4. The Headmaster of Hogwarts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, content warning for this chapter. Very emotionally disturbing themes in the second flashback.

**o.o.O.o.o**

**~Present~**

**Early hours of May 3 rd, 1998**

 

Severus’ room in the Headmaster’s Tower was somewhat reminiscent of a sick tent, straight out of a war zone. Bloody bandages and clothing were strewn across the floor, empty potions bottles littered the bedside table and the counters in the bathroom, and the smell of blood permeated the air. The House Elves had changed his bedding, so that he was at least lying on clean sheets now that his worst wounds were healed. They would have done more, but he'd dismissed all except for Winky to see to the needs of the students and defenders of the school. Currently, he felt every single minute of his thirty-eight years and was still lost to understand how in the name of Nimue he was still alive.

 

The memory of Potter pressing a hand desperately over the gash in his throat as he gave up the memories the boy needed to understand, was incredibly vivid. As his grip on consciousness had been failing, he’d felt a slender hand slip into his, squeezing tightly and he’d known it was her. It had been selfish, but he'd been relieved to have here there with him at the end. He whispered for her to look at him, but it had been Potter who’d drawn close…naturally assuming it had to be about him. Everything had gone black then and when he’d awoken in a pool of his own blood, he’d known that she must have done something miraculous. His clever witch had found a way to cheat death itself.

 

The wounds at his throat were gone, healed in a way that only one thing could be responsible: phoenix tears. How she had managed to get her hands on them, never mind bother to waste them on him, was beyond his comprehension. Of course, everything about Hermione was beyond his realm of understanding. He’d crawled over to his wand and with a silent prayer tried to apparate into the castle. If the castle had rejected him as Headmaster, it would not have worked, but Hogwarts welcomed him back warmly. No matter his crimes or the depths of his guilt, Hogwarts had not abandoned him. Severus was still battling the effects of Nagini’s venom, but with enough time the potions would purge it from his system. All that he could do now was rest and recover, but fear for her was plaguing him too deeply for him to find sleep. 

 

“Winky,” he called softly, his throat still raw from the attack.

 

“Headmaster should be sleeping.” Winky appeared, scolding him gently.

 

“Where is she?” he asked, the House Elf knew enough to not require further clarification.

 

“Miss be sleeping, in Headmaster’s old chambers,” Winky reported.

 

Severus let his eyes fall closed and he nodded. “Watch over her, and see to her needs.”

 

“Yes, Headmaster.” Winky popped out.

 

Severus closed his eyes and surrendered the residual waves of pain riding through him. He was a fool, but it was impossible to not worry about her. He’d fought Albus tooth and nail over adding her to the Order, but in the end it had been for nothing. Like he did with everyone else, Albus had manipulated the girl into swearing that damned oath and then thrown her into the deep end. Severus had taught her to swim, because it was either that or have her drown in front of his eyes. As the months passed, it became clear to him why Albus had done it. It wasn’t as a precaution in case the Dark Lord killed him, that had always been a weak excuse that fell apart at closer scrutiny. No, it was to give him something to live for, or rather _someone_ to live for. Albus had seen how close to the edge he was, and known that without a tether there was a very real risk of him giving up. The night all pieces had come together, he’d nearly destroyed his rooms in a fit of rage. Dumbledore had no right to put the girl’s life in danger, not for his benefit. And people called him a bastard.

 

Getting involved with her had never been his intention. Even after he’d puzzled out Albus’ intentions, he’d utterly refused to even consider it. Time-turner abuse aside, she was still his student...his responsibility. It was hard to put his finger on when things had changed, but if he was painfully honest it had all shifted the night she’d nearly died under Dolohov’s wand.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**~Flashback~**

**June 18 th, 1996**

 

Severus had gotten out of his meeting with the Dark Lord as quickly as was humanly possible, under the guise of trying to determine how much damage had been done to the Order. He went straight to the Hospital wing, panic gripping him after hear Dolohov boast about cutting down the Mudblood. The back corner of the infirmary was curtained off, something that was never a good sign. He slipped in and stopped dead in his tracks, and not simply because the girl was lying nude on top of the blankets. A bloody gash had nearly cut her in half, starting just under her left collar bone, cutting diagonally to end over her right hip bone. He pulled off his outer robes and moved forward.

 

“Where do you need me, Poppy,” he asked, shoving his emotions aside and occluding heavily. 

 

The Hogwarts matron didn’t bat an eye at him. “You’re better with Dark Magic. I need you to contain the curse so I can close the wound. I’ve tried, but it keeps breaking free and undoing all my work.” The older witch said, wand moving in a steady pattern to stem the bleeding.

 

Severus nodded grimly and began to work. Dolohov was a monster, a brilliant one, but a monster all the same. The curse was designed to quiet just long enough to allow the healers to mend the wound, then it would break free and rip through the victim, over and over again until they were killed from blood loss and magical exhaustion. It took every ounce of his ability to bind the curse, finally forced to weave his own magic around it to settle the curse permanently. The disparity between Dolohov’s magic and her own was too great, his was thankfully a workable bridge. Sweat was pouring down his face as he staggered back and sat, nodding to Poppy as she began to chant the healing charm over the massive wound. Taking a steadying breath, he got back up and went to the potions cabinet, grabbed several blood replenishing potions and a half dozen others that would be needed to help her recover from her brush with death.

 

He used a complicated spell to diffuse the potions directly into her system to avoid the very real risk of her aspirating on them. Poppy looked even more worn out than he was, but neither of them stopped working until the wound was closed, and her diagnostics had stabilized. Just looking at the readings however was sobering. There was damage to all of her major organ systems; her heart, lungs, digestive tract, liver, kidneys, and reproductive tract. Nothing had been spared, and it would take an intensive regimen of potions to return her to anything resembling good health.

 

“Poppy, go and rest, I’ll sit with her for the first watch,” he said, banishing the blood and tucking her under the blankets to return some of her dignity in the unlikely event that Albus came to check on her. It was bad enough that he’d seen her like that. If he did nothing else during this war, he’d make Dolohov pay for this.

 

“Good work, Severus. Make sure you eat something, that much healing takes its toll,” she said and touched Severus’ shoulder, before heading to her office to catch a few hours on the bed she kept in there for difficult cases.

 

Severus pulled his chair over, and found himself reaching out to grip her hand softly. Teaching her Occlumency had allowed him to come to know Miss Granger far better than anyone else could claim to. She hid so much from her friends, family, and even herself sometimes. The young witch understood true loneliness and despair, she had made impossible choices for the people she loved and understood that sometimes letting them go was the only way to save them. There was a great deal of pragmatism and mercenary sensibility hiding behind her innocent, wholesome veneer. The more he’d seen of it, the more tempting it had become to peel that façade way to reveal the real Hermione Granger hiding underneath. Such a unique young woman, and he’d nearly lost her to a beast like Dolohov.

 

The first order of business this summer, once she recovered, was to start teaching her how to survive the dirty, ugly duels that she was bound to get drawn into now. Up till now, the skills he’d given her were mental, teaching her Occlumency and strategy. It was clear that would not be enough. Severus was only half-awake when the hand in his clenched, gripping his hard.

 

“Sir?” she muttered quietly.

 

“I’m here, Miss Granger,” he said, squeezing her hand in return.

 

“It hurts.” She whimpered, tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes.

 

“I know it does. Let me get you something for the pain.” He reluctantly released her hand and grabbed an intensive pain potion, carefully propping her up to drink it. She was weak as a kitten and drank the potions he gave her without question or complaint. Finishing the last one, her eyes closed…as if even that had been too much effort.

 

“Who else was hurt?” she asked.

 

“The others sustained only minor injuries, but…there was one casualty. Black was killed by Bellatrix Lestrange,” he told her gently, aware that she had been close to Black. It had irked him to end, but at the moment that was moot point. Black was dead and no longer competition to be feared. The realization that he’d thought of Black as competition at all was uncomfortable.

 

Hermione just nodded weakly. “What happened? I just remember purple fire and then there was so much pain…”

 

“Dolohov hit you with a curse that nearly killed you. It took considerable effort to keep you from expiring, so I do hope you intend to take it easy and allow Madam Pomfrey and myself to return you to good health.” He got her a glass of water and held it so she could take measured sips.

 

She opened her eyes then, soft brown depths that suddenly seemed so much older than they’d been just 24 hours ago. “I can feel your magic, here.” She raised her right hand and ghosted it over the scar. “Inside me.”

 

Severus had no idea what possessed him in that moment to touch her face, stroking his thumb along her cheek bone. “I had to bind the curse with my magic, it was the only way to quiet it. I wish I could have removed it entirely, but this was the best I could do.” It was an incomplete solution, and it meant she’d wear the scar for the rest of her life, a reminder that Dolohov had outsmarted him.

 

“Don’t apologize,” she said, not breaking his gaze. “Your magic always makes me feel safe.” Her eyes fluttered closed again.

 

Severus felt something twist in his chest and he leaned down, brushing his lips against her temple. “Sleep now. You have a rough road ahead, but I’ll be here to help you. I promise.”

 

“Goodnight…Severus,” she whispered sleepily. That was the first time she’d ever said his name, and it cut through his defences better than any spell or curse. In that moment she ceased being ‘Miss Granger’.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**~Present~**

**May 4 th, 1998**

 

Minerva sat heavily on a bench in the now empty Great Hall. Teams from the Ministry had been working through the night to remove the dead and injured from Hogwarts. The injured were moved to St. Mungos, and the bodies of the fallen had been removed to a special site so that they could be identified and burials arranged. She and the teachers had then taken it upon themselves to put the Great Hall back to rights, spending most of the day repairing it. The ceiling however was not responding to their charm work, and Minerva was rather flummoxed. She and Filius in particular were having the most issues, almost as if the castle itself was working against them.

 

Another thing that confused her was the fact that the Headmaster’s Tower was completely sealed. She’d been completely unable to access it and the Gargoyle refused to grant her entry. The last time she’d seen such behaviour had been when Dolores Umbridge had attempted to take over the school as Headmistress. She also hadn’t seen Hermione since their talk in her office two days ago, following the battle. Poppy denied ever seeing her that night and searches of Gryffindor Tower hadn’t yielded any results either. She was worried, but it was possible that she’d found somewhere to sleep and was just recovering from the gruelling fight. Too many mysteries for her liking.

 

“Ah, Minerva…there you are.” Kingsley’s voice came from the doorway, and he headed over. “How are things progressing here?” he asked.

 

“Well…the bodies have been removed and this room at least is restored…but it will be months before the castle is back to rights,” Minerva said softly. “What news from the Ministry?”

 

“After an emergency session of what remains of the Wizengamot, I’ve been named Interim Minister of Magic, until proper elections can be held. If Miss Granger is willing to offer official testimony about Severus and Lucius, we should be able to exonerate them both before they resurface. Has there been any sign of Snape?” He asked.

 

“None, and I haven’t seen Miss Granger either….” Minerva stopped talking as the young witch in question walked into the Hall. “Ah there you are, my dear girl. I’ve been so worried.” Relief flooded her at the sight of the witch.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how long I’d slept.” She said.

 

“No apologies necessary my dear…clearly you needed it.” Minerva said.

 

“Hermione, it’s good to see you looking so well. Could I have a moment?” he asked her, motioning her off to the side.

 

“Of course, what did you need?” She asked, still feeling quite worn out despite nearly a solid day of sleep. 

 

“Would you be willing to come down to the Ministry and give your testimony about Professor Snape and Mr. Malfoy?” He asked her. “If you do, we can get a pardon processed for them quickly, before there’s much talk about it. Moving quickly is the best way to control this narrative.”

 

Hermione nodded. “Of course, whatever you need.” She was still tired and her body ached, but this was something that Severus needed her to do. “I just need to go and check on a friend before we go. Can I meet you by the gates in about half an hour?” she asked.

 

Kingsley nodded. “Make it an hour, I need to confer with Minerva about what the Ministry can do to help here.”

 

Hermione nodded and left the Great Hall, moving through the castle and avoiding as many people as she could. She walked over to the Gargoyle and pressed her hand to it, closing her eyes and forming her request clearly in her mind. One thing Severus had instilled in her was the reality that Hogwarts had a kind of sentience, and while it was bound by rules and to the will of the Headmaster, at times it could act to help those it felt ‘worthy’. The Gargoyle moved aside and let her up, before returning to guard the entrance to the Tower.

 

The office was empty and Hermione didn’t pause here, going back to the door that led to the Headmaster’s private chambers. Like the gargoyle it gave to her touch, and she headed up the winding staircase it revealed. The Headmaster’s quarters were set in the open area of the turret, and off to the side she could see a figure in the bed. She headed towards him, her heart in her throat.

 

“Severus?” she called softly.

 

“Hermione,” he replied, voice still somewhat rough, but undeniably him.

 

She stopped at the edge of the bed, watching him sit up against the headboard, the white sheets pooling around his waist. Severus had always been lean, composed of sharp angles and wiry muscle, but over the last year he’d lost weight he really couldn’t afford and there were new scars on his chest that hadn’t existed last June. It had been nearly a year since she’d been alone with him and suddenly she didn’t have a clue what to say. She’d had countless sleepless nights to try and analyse their strange, intense affair, but in the end she realized that it had simply been something they’d both needed. The question now was of course was it something they still needed? Or even wanted?

 

“Please.” He lifted his hand, giving her a clear invitation to come closer.

 

The near pleading tone in his voice was enough to break her inaction. Hermione moved forward and took his hand, sitting down on the edge of the bed and trying not to look as desperately awkward as she felt. There was always a wealth of thoughts and emotions in Severus’ eyes, far more than he’d ever express in words. He was too controlled to allow his tongue free reign, and she knew it was because he was very aware of just how much damage he’d done with it in the past. Right now, the words had to come from her.

 

“I thought you were dead,” she whispered, guilt for leaving him twisting in her gut.

 

“Don’t.” He squeezed her hand sharply. “You had no way of knowing I was still alive, and you had a job to do. We both did what was necessary, never regret what had to be done.”

 

Hermione nodded. “Are you alright?” She couldn’t help but rake her eyes over every inch of him that she could see, as if she’d be able to gauge his health without the benefit of a diagnostic spell.

 

“I will be. The venom is still dissipating, but I will be myself soon enough,” he reassured her, relaxing his grip and stroking his thumb over the back of her hand. “He’s truly dead then?”

 

Hermione nodded. “Yes. Harry killed him, and Neville killed Nagini with the Sword of Gryffindor…of all things.” She laughed a little, at the point where it was either laugh or cry. “I’ll extract the memory for you to watch later,” she added seeing the dark smirk on his lips. “I have to go to the Ministry soon to give them my statement about you and Lucius.”

 

Severus’s expression clouded with worry, the humor washed away with immediate concern. “Be very careful, Hermione. Admit to nothing that could incriminate yourself…not for any reason,” he said, dark eyes suddenly intense. “Promise me.”

 

“I’ll be careful, I promise,” she agreed, knowing his paranoia had been created from years of being screwed over by people he should have been able to trust. The Ministry was also never to be trusted completely, as a rule.

 

“I’d also ask that you not reveal where I am, just for now. Not until I’m on my feet again. The castle has apparently decided that I did not violate my oaths as Headmaster, so it will conceal me until I am prepared to face everyone.” He sighed. A part of him wished that the castle had not allowed him safe harbour, he didn’t deserve it.

 

“Don’t,” Hermione said softly. “You did the best you could in an impossible situation. There will be enough people looking to blame you for everything, don’t you dare do their work for them,” she said fiercely. “Once everything is settled…we’re going to have to talk about what happened last year.” It had been a herculean effort to try and forget everything that had happened, to just focus on keeping herself and the boys alive on the run.

 

“I know.” He lifted her hand to his lips and brushed a kiss against her palm. “There is much we’ll need to talk about, though I admit I never thought I’d be alive for this conversation.” He mused.

 

“That’s not funny.” Hermione rolled her eyes a little.

 

“Then why are you smiling?” He chuckled a little, wincing as it hurt.

 

“Only you would think death was preferable to a conversation.” Hermione was honestly just relieved that he was actually alive. “I just need to know…do you regret it?” she asked hesitantly, afraid of the answer.

 

“Only that night in April,” he whispered softly, not needing to elaborate.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**~Flashback~**

**April 12 th, 1997**

 

Hermione slipped into his chambers, feeling like she was about to face her own execution. How had she been so utterly stupid? This was the last thing anyone needed, especially now and she wasn’t even sure how she was going to tell him. Tears slipped down her cheeks, and her voice caught in her throat making her unable to even call out to let him know she was there.

 

“Hermione?” Severus came out of his bedroom, frowning a little. “What’s wrong?” He went over and touched her elbow, just the barest graze of his fingertips.

 

“Everything…I screwed up,” she said, unable to help the messy tears that just start falling harder. “I’m pregnant.” She made herself say it.

 

“What?” Severus gaped, clearly caught completely off guard. “You said you were taking a contraceptive potion.” He guided her to sit down, crouching down in front of the chair.

 

“Not a potion…pills.” She sniffled, trying to find some composure but failing miserably. Sweet Merlin, she’d been so STUPID. As she clarified, understanding dawned across his face and was swiftly followed by dread. She knew it, she’d ruined everything. He stood and offered her a handkerchief, and walked away for a moment.

 

“Winky, can you bring tea for two?” His voice rumbled softly off to her left before he returned, pulling his chair over closer so he could each over and take her hands in his. “Take a deep breath, and just try to calm down for me.” His tone was calm, and soothing.

 

Hermione nodded, using a few basic occlumency techniques to calm down so they could discuss this. He was right, she needed to calm down. She’d been bottling this up since casting the charm in the bathroom this morning, and it had just simmered all day like a cauldron waiting to explode. “I’m better now…” She said, feeling a little shaky still.

 

Severus nodded, dark eyes full of guilt. When the tea arrived, he made her a cup and pressed it into her hands. “Drink that, it’ll help you settle your nerves a little.” He sighed and waited quietly while she finished her tea. “You know what needs to be done.” He didn’t form it as a question.

 

“Yes, I know.” Hermione nodded, not able to meet his eyes. She knew that with the war looming so close, a pregnancy was going to be more than an inconvenience, it could get her or Severus killed if it came to light. That wasn’t even taking into account the fact that she was too young, and it had been a mistake. “I hate it, but I know.”

 

“It’s your choice, I won’t make it for you.” Severus reached out and tipped her chin up, so she could meet his eyes. “Whatever you decide, I’ll find a way to make sure you’re safe.”

 

“We have to…we’re both too important to lose.” She swallowed. “Will it hurt?” She hated that her voice was shaking.

 

“No.” He rested his forehead against hers. “I’ll make sure that it won’t. Did you cast the charm Lupin taught you to fool that blasted map?” he asked quietly, getting the important issue out of the way.

 

“It will show me in the dorm all night.” She had known before leaving what they’d have to do.

 

“Ok,” Severus said. “Why don’t you run yourself a bath, and I’ll get things ready. You can stay here tonight, I don’t want you to be alone.” His voice caught a little.

 

Hermione opened her eyes and saw the tear that was slipping down his cheek, and it broke her heart a little more. “I’m sorry…”

 

“It’s not your fault,” He kissed her temple. “None of this is your fault.”

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**~Present~**

**May 4 th, 1998 **

 

Hermione closed her eyes then, the pain of that night hitting like a hammer. For sheer self-preservation she had locked it into the back of her mind, refusing to remember or deal with it. It had been the first time she’d used her Occlumency to supress her emotions, but unfortunately not anywhere near to the last. “I know we had to, but I still wonder about what might have happened if we hadn’t.” Tears slipped out of the corners of her eyes, tears for a child that never had a chance to be. She nearly jumped as he pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly.

 

“I do too,” he said softly, whispering the words into her hair. “You have no idea how sorry I am about that night. I was afraid for you, in the end it was the only way to protect you.” He stroked a hand over her hair. “As much as you knew by then, you had no idea how ruthless Albus could be when people upset his plans.”

 

Hermione turned her face into his neck, hiding there for a moment. She hadn’t realized how completely starved for touch she’d been, but she didn’t want to move from his arms now. “I know. You let it be my choice and it was the right one, even though I hate that I had to make it. I was so stupid…”

 

“No, it wasn't your fault.” He sighed and moved back, meeting her eyes. “Sadly, sexual education at Hogwarts has always been….lacking. You could not have known that muggle contraceptives are sometimes ineffective for witches, you thought you were safe.” He stroked her cheek. “And I should have been certain. That was my failing, not yours.”

 

Hermione let out a shaky breath. “I didn’t come here to dig this up…” She sat back and wiped the tears away.

 

“You’ve been through hell, we all have. Your emotions are going to be all over the place for a while.” He dismissed it easily. “We have to hide so much from everyone else, when we're alone I'd rather we were just honest with each other.”

 

“I do too.” Hermione nodded. “I should go,” she whispered.

 

He nodded. “Use the floo to go down to my old chambers. Minerva is making yet another attempt to enter the Tower.” He smirked a little.

 

“How long are you going to draw it out?” She asked.

 

“As long as I can. I have to have some fun.” He released her hand and laid back on the bed, their conversation having stolen much of his energy.

 

“Do you mind if I use your rooms?” she asked, realizing she had just assumed that it was ok.

 

“If I minded, I’d have reset the wards, silly girl,” he teased. “Be careful, and have Winky inform me when you’ve returned safely.” He added more seriously.

 

“Get some rest,” she said and turned away, not looking forward to going to the Ministry, but it was necessary. She had to convince them to pardon Severus and Lucius for their crimes, no matter what. She headed down the staircase to the Headmaster’s office, and was going to go straight to the fireplace, when she was interrupted.

 

“Miss Granger, it is good to see you alive and well.” The formal tones of Headmaster Black wrapped around her.

 

“Headmaster Black.” She inclined her head. “I was lucky and sustained only minor injuries.”

 

“How is Severus? He has not come out of his private rooms since before the Battle.”

 

“He is healing, and should be well enough to resume his duties soon,” she said, keeping her face neutral.

 

“Good. Perhaps once things have settled…we might have a chat, you and I,” he said, a rather knowing expression on his face.

 

“I will try and make the time for you, Headmaster.” The cantankerous Slytherin had been her only link to Severus last year, and regardless of the friction between them because of her blood-status, she did owe him thanks for that.

 

“Very well then. Good day, Miss Granger.”

 

“Good day, Headmaster Black.” She said and escaped through the fireplace. She didn’t want to speak to Headmaster Dumbledore’s portrait, and thankfully he didn’t call out to her. What might come out of her mouth in response would not be terribly polite. She stepped out into Snape’s dungeon chambers and slipped out into the castle. The misdirection was annoying, but necessary for the time being. No one could know about her actual relationship with Severus, or there would be no hope of restoring his reputation. A mercy killing could be forgiven, but fucking a student…even one who had been very much of age at the time, was likely a transgression too far.


	5. Astragalus & Heliotropes

**o.o.O.o.o**

**~Present~**

**May 4 th, 1998 **

 

 

The walk from the dungeons out to the gates was long, but in all honesty Hermione needed it to wrestle all her emotions back under some semblance of control. Making this trip herself helped her understand why Severus himself had preferred to live down there, even though it made responding to his Death Eater summons that much harder. The trip out was the perfect opportunity to put away problems and reinforce her Occlumency shields. She had not meant to dredge up those memories, but it was inevitable that they’d have to face them, now that the war was finally over.

 

She saw Kingsley waiting for her and she nodded to him, summoning a smile.  

 

“All ready to go, Hermione?” he asked.

 

“All set.” She nodded, keeping her tone as light as she could manage. “Have you seen Harry?” She bit her lip, looking uncertain. This was the Hermione everyone expected to see, and when surrounded by people it was easy to slip back into the role of shy bookworm. It bothered her sometimes how easy it was to flip between the different masks, but it had been necessary over the last two and a half years to hide the changes in herself.  

 

“I haven’t seen him personally, but he’s at the Burrow. Arthur sent me a Patronus yesterday to let me know,” Kingsley said as they headed through the open gates of the school.

 

Hermione knew that Harry might never forgive her, not because of the oath, but because she was as guilty as Dumbledore for keeping things from him. The fact that she’d been unable to tell him wouldn’t matter, Harry had never handled betrayal well and that was exactly how he’d see this. “At least he’s safe,” she said softly.

 

“He just needs a little time, I’m sure he’ll come around.” Kingsley attempted to reassure her, reaching over and touching her shoulder.

 

“I hope so, but I can’t really blame him if he doesn’t.” She ran a hand through her hair. “Do you mind apparating us? I’m still pretty wiped out from the battle.” She put the painful topic of Harry aside, it wasn’t important right now. She needed to focus on the task at hand, and she had always been good at compartmentalizing.  

 

“Of course.” Kingsley moved in closer and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, apparated them to the Atrium of the Ministry. Because of the sheer chaos, Kingsley had special powers to apparate in and out. “Now, I’ve put together a tribunal of the Wizengamot, and they’ll hear your testimony. Once Minerva can gain access to the Headmaster’s Tower, we can take testimony from Albus’ portrait as well.”

 

“After I give my testimony, I doubt there’s much more you’ll need.” Hermione highly doubted that Minerva was going to get access to the Headmaster’s tower anytime soon. She had drawn her wand on Severus inside the Castle, and Hogwarts tended to take attacks on the Headmaster a little personally. “Will I be required to take Veritaserum?”

 

“Not required, but it would help if you did.” He was honest with her. Unspoken was the fact that if she didn't, everyone would assume she had something to hide.

 

Hermione nodded as they got into a lift, and headed to the level where the courtrooms were located. She used the ride to strengthen her Occlumency shields and started partitioning the information she needed to conceal. There was an art to answering questions under Veritaserum, and you could mislead the questioners by playing on words, but it was difficult.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**~Flashback~**

**September 19 th, 1995**

 

“Place three drops under your tongue,” her Professor handed Hermione the slender vial and it’s dropper.

 

Hermione took a steadying breath and dispensed the three drops and felt a wave of warmth flow over her. Professor Snape had said he needed her to feel the full effects of the potion, so that she’d always recognize its influence. He’d advised her to attempt to outwit the potion, but also warned her that it was highly unlikely that she’d be successful this first time. They’d have these sessions every week until she learned to bend the rules of the potion to her advantage. It felt almost like the calm, floating state she remembered from being under the Imperius curse.

 

“Now, let’s begin with something simple,” Professor Snape said, a smirk on his lips. “Which of your miscreant friends set my cloak on fire in your first year?”

 

Sweat broke out across her forehead as she fought not to answer, but it was passing her lips almost without conscious control. “I did, it was the quickest way to break your concentration.”

 

“Did you indeed? Who knew you were such an accomplished little delinquent at twelve.” He chuckled and leaned back in his chair. “Let’s dig further into that year shall we? Why were you really in that bathroom, the night of the Halloween feast? I do not recall seeing you in the Great Hall at all that evening.”

 

“I was in there crying,” she answered, biting her tongue to stop expanding on her answer. There was almost physical pain from trying to hold back the truth.

 

“Why were you crying?” he pressed further.

 

“Because Ronald Weasley was a vicious little bully, and everyone hated me,” she blurted out, and her cheeks burned in shame. Even all these years later, that memory hurt.

 

“Then why did you lie?” He tilted his head to the side slightly.

 

“Because I knew if I didn’t, I’d never get another chance to have real friends. If I hadn’t lied for them, they never would have let me into their circle and I didn’t want to be alone.” She closed her eyes in defeat. The warmth was still there, but she could tell it was false now, a lie laying over top of the painful truths being torn out of her lips. When she opened her eyes, she saw her Professor offering her a vial.

 

“Two drops, it counters the veritaserum,” he said quietly.

 

Hermione administered the antidote and handed it back to him, she felt stripped bare and horribly exposed.

 

“Now you understand the strength of this potion, and how it functions,” Professor Snape said, not commenting on what he’d learned.

 

“I do.” She still couldn’t lift her eyes to look at her Professor.

 

“Miss Granger, I will never use anything I learn in these sessions to hurt you. I am aware that these are things you wouldn’t share willingly with anyone,” he said. “Part of what I need to teach you is to know your weaknesses and failings, so that no one can take advantage of them. Fear of being alone is nothing to be ashamed of, but your need for acceptance is something you need to take care with. It’s a vulnerability that can drive you to regrettable actions, and I know a little something about that.” There was regret in his voice.

 

Hermione lifted her head and looked at him. “Until Harry and Ron, I’d never had any real friends. All I had were my books, and then I found out I was a witch and there was this whole other world. I thought when I got here that I’d finally find people like me, but it was the same here as it had been at my muggle school.”

 

“Such is the curse of intelligence, Miss Granger. The truly gifted are always alone; you need to learn to be comfortable with that. It’s ok to want friends, but not to _need_ them. It is our needs that open us up to manipulation and exploitation.” He stood and touched her shoulder as he passed her. “Think on that, and run through your meditations tonight. We will try this exercise again on Sunday. I want you to think about ways to get around the questions I’ll put to you. There are ways to split hairs, and bend the truth without lying. As you gain proficiency in your Occlumency training, you can partition certain things away so that they cannot be dragged out of you, even with direct questions. That is also the reason that you should never reveal your true skill level in that art. People distrust accomplished Occlumens, because of their capacity to lie under truth potions. Luckily, the general populace is unaware of that and even then most people believe that it is impossible to lie under Veritaserum…largely because many of us have fed that fallacy since its creation.”

 

Hermione nodded and took a deep breath. “I’ll do better next time.”

 

“We shall see.” He said ominously.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**~Present~**

**May 4 th, 1998 **

 

The tribunal had been assembled in one of the smaller court chambers, and there was a panel of about a dozen older witches and wizards on the benches. In the middle of the floor was a wooden chair, and Hermione felt instantly uneasy. Echoes of the Muggleborn Registry swam up in her memory unbidden. Kingsley walked with her to the chair and nodded encouragingly.

 

“Have a seat, Hermione.”

 

Hermione swallowed and sat down on the chair, hating that she felt so paranoid about it. Her eyes tracked Kingsley as he took his seat at the front.

 

“I call this special session of the war crimes Tribunal to Order. Please state your name for the official record.” Kingsley said after banging the gavel.

 

“Hermione Jean Granger.” She said, heart pounding in her chest. Even the title of the tribunal itself was cause for concern, they were taking this very seriously. 

 

“Now, Miss Granger, you have consented to offer your testimony to the tribunal under the influence of Veritaserum, is that correct?”

 

“Yes, I have nothing to hide and am happy to do so if it sheds light on the true loyalties of Headmaster Snape and Lord Malfoy,” she said clearly, trying to look calm and confident. An Auror approached and she opened her mouth for the standard three drops. It was tasteless, but the familiar sensation of the potion took hold. It was far less intense than the version Severus had trained her with, and clearly that had been by design.

 

“Are you alright, Miss Granger?”

 

“Yes, I’m fine.” Hermione answered, her voice taking on a slightly dreamy quality under the hold of the truth potion.

 

“Can you please state your age, and date of birth for the official record?”

 

“I’m nineteen years old, and my birth date is September 19th, 1979.” 

 

“That doesn’t make any sense, how can you be a year older than your birthday?” A wizard to Kingsley’s left asked.

 

“In my third year, Professor Dumbledore provided me with a time turner that allowed me to take all the offered electives. I used it more than recommended and added about eight months to my chronological age,” she answered smoothly, enjoying the ruffled expression on the old wizard’s face. 

 

“Were you a member of the organization known as the Order of the Phoenix?” Kingsley redirected the questions to the matter at hand.

 

“Yes. I was inducted into the Order in the summer of 1995, about a month after the Triwizard Tournament.” She surrendered to the potion for the moment, not needing to resist it yet.

 

“To the best of your knowledge, were Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy members of the Order?”

 

“Yes, they were both members of the Order before I joined,” she said and settled in to answer a slew of background questions about other members of the Order, and what she knew about their general functions. Then a witch who was sitting to Kingsley’s left opened a folder.

 

“What was the nature of your relationship with Severus Snape?” The witch asked. It was an innocuous question, but worded in a way that would require a very complete answer. Hermione's guard instantly came up.

 

“Headmaster Snape was one of my Professors at Hogwarts. I studied Potions under him for five years, and he was our Defence instructor for one year. After I joined the Order, he became my mentor and under Professor Dumbledore’s direction I functioned as his partner for Order business, primarily in the last months before his death. Without his help, I know that Harry, Ron, and I would never have survived this last year on our own. Everything he did, he did to ensure Harry’s survival and ultimate victory.” The potion was twisting hard, trying to force the last bit of truth from her, but Hermione’s words were enough of an answer.

 

“What do you know about the murder of Headmaster Dumbledore?” The witch asked, looking over the rim of her glasses.

 

“It wasn’t murder,” Hermione said simply, and there were shocked gasps of surprise and shock around her.

 

“Please elaborate on that, Miss Granger,” Kingsley clarified.

 

“Under the Healer’s Mercy Provision, a Killing Curse can be used to end the life of a terminally ill patient if there is no hope of recovery, and if suffering has reached an intolerable point. Professor Snape had been functioning as Headmaster Dumbledore’s healer for the period of nearly eleven months, after he ran afoul of a curse that Lord Voldemort had placed upon a Horcrux. The Headmaster was nearly killed outright, but managed to return to Hogwarts where Professor Snape managed to confine the curse to his hand. However, the damage was so extensive that it continued to slowly kill him over the course of the year. In September, Headmaster Dumbledore informed me that he had asked Professor Snape to end his life, when the pain reached an impossible point. That way his death would at least serve a purpose, by reinforcing the fiction that Professor Snape was a loyal Death Eater.” Hermione enjoyed the looks of utter disbelief being shared throughout the tribunal.

 

“You really expect us to believe that Albus Dumbledore chose to end his life?” An older wizard exclaimed.

 

“I don’t expect you to believe it, but it is the truth.” Hermione blinked at him, enjoying the man’s sputtering. “You cannot lie under veritaserum.”

 

“To your knowledge, was Severus Snape loyal to the Order of the Phoenix and the side of light?” Kingsley asked, redirecting the questions again and giving a warning look to the older wizard.

 

“Yes, absolutely,” she said with conviction.

 

“As for Lucius Malfoy, do you believe he was a loyal member of the Order of the Phoenix?”

 

“I believe that Lord Malfoy was utterly committed to the destruction of Lord Voldemort from the moment he was reborn in June of 1995. Without him, Harry, Ron, and I would have died when we were taken captive and delivered to Malfoy Manor in April. He opened the Manor’s wards to allow a freed House Elf to get us to safety, he did so at great risk to both his life and the lives of his family. During the battle, he didn’t raise a wand against any of the defenders and was focused solely on locating his son. I know of six separate incidences where he delivered information vital to the Order’s operations, in situations where Professor Snape was unable to pass it along,” she answered, feeling the potion tugging at her. The longer the questioning went, the harder it became to fight it. Ultimately, Lucius Malfoy was loyal only to his family, but he'd assisted the Order because it was expedient to do so.  

 

“Do you know where Severus Snape and Lucius Malfoy are currently hiding?” Kingsley asked.

 

“No,” she answered, feeling sweat trickle down her spine.

 

“Have you been in contact with either of them since the Battle of Hogwarts?”

 

“No. I have not.” She reinforced her shields feelings them buckling under the pressure of the potion.

 

“Do you have any reason to mislead this tribunal?”

 

“No, I do not.” She closed her eyes for a moment and wavered.

 

“Hermione? Are you alright?” Kingsley asked, concern clear in his voice.

 

“I’m sensitive to some of the plants used in Veritaserum, it can cause a mild reaction,” she answered. “I’ll be fine, we can continue.”

 

“Get her the antidote, we’re finished here,” he said finally, and the Auror moved forward offering her the Antidote.

 

Hermione took it and sagged back into the chair, a cold sweat coming up on her skin. It wasn’t a complete lie, she did had a mild sensitivity to one of the plants in the potion. Effects from that mild allergy usually took hours to appear, but it was a convenient cover for the effects of her fighting the potion as much as she had. “Sorry Kingsley, I guess I’m still run down from the battle,” she apologized.

 

“It’s fine, you’ve given us a great deal to think about. Auror Collins can escort you back to Hogwarts, if you’d like?”

 

Hermione recognized the dismissal and nodded. “I’d appreciate that, thank you.” For effect, she leaned heavily against the Auror as they stood.

 

“One last thing,” The unfamiliar witch interrupted. “Why are you so committed to clearing the names of two Death Eaters, Miss Granger?”

 

“Because Professor Dumbledore told me that when everything was over, it was my responsibility to make sure that the truth was known. Both of those men might have made foolish mistakes in the past, but they risked their lives to stop Voldemort and make it right. They were prepared to die to see his evil ended, can you say the same?” She lifted an eyebrow at the woman who had the grace to colour and look away. “Does anyone else have another question?” The silence that followed was profound, and she finally nodded and left the room with the Auror’s help.

 

“Do you need some tea or anything? You look really pale.” The Auror asked.

 

“No, just please take me back to Hogwarts. I just need to rest a bit,” She said, falling quiet for the long trip back to the Atrium. She didn’t know if she’d done enough, and it was gnawing at her insides. Severus had to be acquitted, there was no other acceptable alternative. The lack of questions put to her was worrisome though.

 

“I’m sure they’ll clear the Professor,” The Auror said as they rode the lift up.

 

Hermione blinked, startled from her thoughts. “You think so?”

 

“I got to sit through the arguments last night, and the new Minister seems adamant that he was one of the good guys. I don’t know about old Lord Malfoy, but the professor at least should be ok.” He smiled kindly. “He really helped you out, huh?”

 

Hermione nodded. “He’s not a ‘nice’ man, but he made sure we’d get through all of this in one piece. He did the best he could.”  

 

“I hope they release their decision soon.” He walked her to the special apparition point. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and in short order she was standing back in front of the gates of the school.

 

Hermione nodded goodbye to him and started the long walk back to the castle. The hardest part now would be the waiting. As she walked, her eyes took in the devastation all around the school. The Quidditch pitch lay in a smouldering ruin, bodies of dead creatures were still being removed by teams of men in Ministry robes. After the hell of being on the run, just seeing the Ministry emblem made her stomach twist uncomfortably and she knew it would be a very long time before it didn’t summon an immediate wave of paranoia.

Once upon a time, she’d imagined going to work for the Ministry and fighting for change. Now, she was honestly tired of fighting and she could see the Ministry for what it truly was; a pit of corruption and hypocrisy. Other than a handful of individuals, no one had lifted a wand to fight this war beside them. They’d faced the tide alone, and how dare they need to justify anything to those people! She didn’t know what her future held, but as far as she was concerned the Ministry could go hang itself.

 

As she stepped inside the Entrance Hall, a wave of exhaustion crash down on her. She stepped into an alcove, out of the way, and called for Winky. When the little Elf appeared, she leaned down. “Let Headmaster Snape know that I’m back safely.” She knew he’d be anxious to hear about her return, and likely hadn’t rested a bit in the time she’d been gone.

 

“Right away, Missy!” Winky exclaimed and popped away.

 

Hermione slipped back out, smiling as she could see the castle slowly being restored. This space and the Great Hall looked almost the way she remembered them from before, though there was still a lot to be done. While she knew that tracking down Minerva and offering her help was the right thing to do, her bone deep weariness just begged for more rest.

 

“Miss Granger, if you’ve some time, perhaps we could have that talk now.” The stern voice of Phineas Black interrupted her train of thought, and she turned to face the portrait off to the left that he was speaking to her from.

 

“Where would you like to speak?” she asked, aware that it was probably best to get this conversation over with.

 

“There is an empty frame in Severus’ old office that will suffice,” he said and left the frame, clearly heading off to meet her.

 

Hermione turned and headed down into the dungeons, a little startled by how much more comfortable she was down here as opposed to being above ground. Somehow, these dark corridors had come to remind her of Severus and the comfort she found in his presence. His office door stood ajar, as if it was waiting for her. The room itself was empty, the shelves that had once been filled with ingredients and specimens bare and coated in a layer of dust. It made her a little sad.

 

“Not quite the way you recall it, I see,” Headmaster Black remarked.

 

“No.” She shook her head and headed over to sit on the corner of the desk, facing the portrait. She pulled her wand out and warded the door to prevent any interruptions. “What did you wish to discuss with me, Headmaster Black?”

 

“Given all we’ve been through over this last year, I give you leave to call me Phineas,” the man said after a moment and then paused, looking distinctly uncomfortable. “You are aware that he loves you, I hope.”

 

“Of course I am,” she said simply. “You doubt that I return his feelings?” She knew that the cantankerous old wizard had a surprisingly large soft spot for Severus. That much had always been clear to her and it would hardly be a surprise for him to attempt to warn her off to protect him.

 

“No, I would have to be quite willfully blind to not see how you look at him.” He shook his head, looking very sad. “I didn’t want to approve of you, because deep down I thought you would be the ruin of him. I was wrong and I am not so proud that I can’t admit it.” His tone was gruff and short, but it was clear it had taken a lot for him to admit his mistake. 

 

Hermione’s expression softened, those small words making her take in a deep breath to stave off the tears that threatened to well up. “I would never hurt him, and I will do everything I can to protect him. You have my word on that, Phineas.”

 

The Headmaster nodded. “Severus is only the second Headmaster to come from Slytherin, and it is imperative that he retain his post for the years to come. The Ministry and the Board may very well try and remove him, but we cannot allow that to happen.” The wizard’s steel grey eyes were hard as flint.

 

“Of course I’ll support him, but why is it so important that he remain?” she asked, her head falling to the side as she tried to divine his reasons.

 

“It is the only way to restore balance. The damage was wrought by a Slytherin, and only a Slytherin can heal the wounds left behind. He deserves a chance to right the wrongs he was forced to commit, but he will need your support to do it. There is a place here for you, should you desire it,” Phineas said sagely.

 

“But I haven’t even finished my NEWTs…” She blinked.

 

“Easily taken at the Ministry, and even then they are just a piece of meaningless paper. You passed a sterner test over these last years, and are far beyond your student days now. You’ve always sought to change things for the better, and that change must begin here. Albus Dumbledore and Tom Riddle both recognized that by controlling the ideas and beliefs of our children, they could mould the world into a likeness of their choosing. Hogwarts is where you can change the world, one student at a time,” he said quietly. “Make no decisions now, there will be smaller battles to be fought over the next few weeks, but think on it. If you wish it, Hogwarts could truly be the home you seek.”

 

Hermione nodded quietly. “I will think about it, and once things are more settled, I will give you my answer.”

 

“That is all I ask. Now, if you feel up to it, I believe Madam Pomfrey requires some basic healing and invigorating draughts. I can think of no one better to brew them,” Phineas said.

 

Hermione nodded. “Is Severus’ private lab still stocked?”

 

“Yes, the password is Heliotrope.” His lips quirked a little.

 

A wave of warmth hit her, understanding the meaning behind it. "Devotion." 

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Flashback**

**December 24 th, 1996**

 

To continue the fiction that her parents were still in her life, Hermione was spending Christmas away from Harry and her other friends. As his godfather was dead, Harry had gone to the Burrow and so Hermione had returned to Grimmauld Place to spend a rather solitary Christmas in the gloomy safe-house. A few members of the Order came by and offered their best wishes for the holiday, but it had been hard to remain cheerful. The twenty-fourth found her ensconced in the Black library, curled up in a well-worn armchair and reading a book. The door opened and she lifted her eyes, a soft smile crossing her face as Severus stepped inside. Things had been…different between them since her near death experience last summer under Dolohov’s wand. It was hard to define exactly how things had changed, but right now her stomach fluttered a little as she saw him.

 

“Severus,” she said and laid her book aside. She'd hoped that he'd be able to get away for a visit. 

 

“I see you are managing your enforced solitude as well as can be expected.” He gave her a small sympathetic smile. “I come bearing gifts. Lucius and Narcissa both sent something for you, and there is something from me as well.”

 

Hermione got up. “Just wait right here, I have something for you too.” She went up to her room and pulled a small wrapped box out of her trunk. She’d debated on giving it to him ever since arriving at Grimmauld Place, unsure if they were in a place where they could exchange gifts…or not. When she returned to the library, he had taken a seat in the other chair, and placed her gifts on the coffee table. She offered the small box to him, the simple green paper seeming very plain, but somehow she didn’t think he’d like anything too fussy.

 

“Do you mind if I open these?” she asked and sat back down.

 

“They are your gifts.” He shrugged elegantly. “I can only stay for a while, so if you’d like some company then now would be the time.”

 

Hermione reached for the tall, cylindrical box first. It was from Lucius, and upon opening it, it revealed a bottle of absinthe and an intricate silver spoon with slots in it. She looked at Severus quizzically, not understanding the purpose of it.

 

“There is a ritual to drinking Absinthe,” Severus chuckled. “He gave me the same gift when I left Hogwarts. I think it’s his attempt at trying to civilize us uncultured heathens.” Amusement danced in his dark eyes. “Before I leave, I’ll show you how to drink it properly, though I do not recommend drinking more than one glass.”

 

Hermione nodded and opened the square box next. It was tied with a wide red ribbon, and inside there was a folded piece of parchment. She unfolded it, and read the short note unable to help blushing a bit.

 

_Miss Granger – I hope that this trousseau chest will serve you well as you move into adulthood. From what my husband has hinted, perhaps you can begin filling it with someone particular in mind. It is a dated tradition, but one I hope you will partake of. It can be resized with the tap of a wand and there is something small inside as a beginning. – N.M._

Hermione picked up the shrunken chest and could see the delicate vine pattern carved around the edges of the lid. She put it back inside the box, and set it aside not wanting to linger too long on it with Severus here. The last gift was from him, and seemed to be a book. She smiled and unwrapped it to reveal an old copy of The Language of Flowers. Tucked inside the front cover, she found a pressed sprig of alyssum and a worn inscription that named it as the property of Eileen Prince.  

 

“Sometimes it’s valuable to pass messages without anyone else understanding your meaning,” he said softly, his eyes intense as he watched her.

 

“The password to your lab…” She opened the book and paged through, remembering the most recent change _. Astragalus – Your presence softens my pain._ Hermione lifted her eyes and felt as if the air had been sucked from the room. “Severus…”

 

“You have become important to me, Hermione. More than I can say, or should have allowed.” He looked almost, ashamed of the admission.

 

Hermione set the book aside and stood, walking towards him without any conscious decision. He was looking away from her, hiding behind a fall of fine black hair. She reached out and brushed her fingertips against his jaw, turning his face back towards her. Mentally she steeled herself, prepared to get hexed and hoping that she wasn’t misinterpreting his meaning, but she leaned down and brushed her lips against his. There was a moment of hesitation and then he returned the soft kiss. Hermione drew back, almost afraid to breathe in case this was some dream.

 

“I should go. This is wrong,” he whispered and stood, moving to push past her.

 

“No, it’s not.” Hermione grabbed his arm, stopping him. She could feel the shudder that went through him as he took a deep breath and then let it out, fighting some internal battle she couldn’t entirely understand. He turned back to face her, and raised a hand to cradle the side of her face.

 

“I need you to be sure this is what you want,” Severus said, his thumb tracing her cheek bone.

 

“I am.” She said, holding his intense gaze. This time, when their lips met it wasn’t soft, he kissed her like he wanted to possess every inch of her. His hand tangled in her hair, gripping her curls tightly. He broke the kiss and brushed his lips along her jaw.

 

“I’m not Viktor, so be very sure that this is something you’re ready for,” he whispered against her ear. His other hand smoothed along her back. “And no matter what you decide, it can’t change what will happen at the end of the year. Be certain you’re prepared to walk away when that time comes.”

 

Hermione shivered as his voice curled around her. His reference to Viktor reminded her that she had no secrets from him, not after their many nights of Occlumency practice. She pulled back and met his eyes, understanding that he was trying to give her an out, despite the clearly mutual attraction. He pulled back and released her reluctantly.

 

“I’ll take my leave for tonight, but whatever you decide…let me know. Once you’re sure, we’ll share that drink together.” He gave her a small tight smile.

 

“Don’t forget your present,” Hermione said, her voice unsteady. She had no idea how he was able to look so composed after that kiss, but she lacked a similar skill.

 

Severus reached over and plucked the box up. “Happy Christmas, Hermione. I’ll await your owl.” He gave a formal half-bow, before leaving the library quickly.

 

Hermione staggered back and collapsed onto the little sofa, her stomach a tangle of knotted emotions. She was torn between wanting to call him back, to tell him she was already sure…and knowing that he was right and this was not a choice to be made lightly. No matter their feelings, or what might pass between them, he was still bound to kill Dumbledore at the end of the year. There was no changing that. No matter how much she wished that she could.


	6. Desperation in the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be participating in Nanowrimo this year to work on my original fiction, so updates will be somewhat sparse over November. It gets a little steamier this chapter, enjoy!

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Present**

**May 4 th, 1998**

 

It was late by the time Hermione had finished the batches of potions that were needed for the Hospital Wing, but she felt better for the slightly mindless task. These particular brews were relatively simple, and had been an easy way to avoid thinking about anything too complex. The two crates floated along behind her as she entered the infirmary, and spotted Madam Pomfrey bustling around and cleaning up. The room was shockingly empty, and she felt herself frowning. Hermione supposed that she had been expecting to find someone here.

 

“Madam Pomfrey? I have some supplies for you.” she spoke up, catching the older witch’s attention.

 

“Miss Granger, there you are.” She headed over and floated the crates over to a table on the side and went to look through them. “You brewed these yourself?”

 

“Headmaster Black’s portrait said you were running low.” She walked over to stand beside Poppy.

 

“He wasn’t wrong. Everyone’s running themselves ragged trying to put things into a semblance of order, without a care for their own health it seems. Come, let’s have a look at you. Minerva told me about your stunt the other night and about the business with Severus.” She raised an eyebrow reproachfully. “I suppose working that closely with the man, you were bound to pick up a few of his bad habits.”

 

“Excuse me?” Hermione blinked at her.

 

“That man never stepped foot inside this infirmary for himself, unless he was near death, and I am not about to let you run the same self-destructive road. Pick a cot, Miss Granger.” Poppy’s face was set in determined lines.

 

“I didn’t have any major injuries and I figured you’d be busy tending to the others.” Hermione sat down on the nearest bed. She had a suspicion that Madame Pomfrey was not above stunning her if she made a break for it. “I mostly just needed sleep, so I found a bed and fell into it.”

 

“It must have been a well-hidden bed, since no one was able to find you for nearly two days.” The older witch snorted a bit, and pulled out her wand and started casting a general diagnostic spell. “Hmm, mild magical exhaustion and you are running a low-grade fever, not unexpected considering your nutritional levels.” She clucked her tongue and headed over to the cabinet. “You, young lady, are on magical restriction for at least 48 hours. You can brew potions, basic ones only mind you, but no other magic use unless completely necessary.”

 

Hermione couldn’t help but smile, it had been a while since someone had fussed over her like a mother hen. She obediently took the fever-reducer, nutrient booster, and potion designed to help magical reserves replenish.

 

“Thank you, Madam Pomfrey.”

 

“Given everything going on, just call me Poppy dear. Would you like a cup of tea?” she asked, looking suddenly quite tired.

 

“I’d love one. I also promise to try and take it easy.” It was clear that the older witch wanted some company, but wasn’t about to ask for it. Severus could be like that sometimes, and it made Hermione wonder what house the medi-witch had been in back during her school years.

 

“Come on back to my office, it’s more comfortable,” Poppy said and led the way.

 

Hermione took one of the battered old leather chairs and settled into it, while Poppy called for tea. She remained quiet, sensing that the woman wanted to broach a topic, but needed to work up to it. She calmly made her tea and let the silence stretch.

 

“So it was all a lie then?” Poppy finally asked. “Albus’ death, Severus pretending to be You-Know-Who’s man, all of it?”

 

Hermione nodded quietly. “Yes. A lie he nearly died to protect because it was necessary.”

 

“I should have known something wasn’t right. I should have looked deeper at the situation.” Poppy shook her head sadly. “Even as a boy, he always carried the weight of the world on his shoulders and it’s only gotten worse. We were all so quick to think the worst of him, only to find out he was the very best of us.” She closed her eyes for a moment, and then when they opened again she fixed them on Hermione. “Is he safe?”

 

“Yes, for now at least.” Hermione did tell her that much. “He’s healing and being tended to.”

 

“Thank Merlin for that, at least.” She shook her head. “I’m glad he had someone to confide in, even knowing how much of a toll that must have taken on you.”

 

“I just wish that I could have done more to help him,” Hermione admitted. “I know he helped you save me that night, after the Department of Mysteries.”

 

“Helped?” Poppy chuckled. “He did most of the work, my dear girl. I just lent a wand. It took him hours to break through that nasty curse and lay it to rest. It’s a wonder he didn’t collapse from exhaustion after that, but he just sat at your bedside waiting for you to wake up. I suppose I should have realized then that there was something going on, but with all the chaos, there were too many other things that needed my attention.”

 

Hermione nodded, working hard to keep her expression neutral. “It was a bad night.”

 

“Yes, it was. There have been a lot of bad nights since that wretched creature was reborn. Hopefully the battle was the last bad night for a while. We could all use the time to recover,” Poppy said. “You all had so much to bear.”

 

Hermione blinked, trying not to cry. “We did what we had to do.” Her voice caught a little in her throat. “It was nothing compared to what Severus was facing.”

 

“Severus mmm?” Poppy said, a knowing look on her face.

 

Hermione flushed realizing she’d slipped. “I mean…Professor, uh Headmaster Snape…” she tripped over her words like a first year caught out of bed after curfew.

 

Poppy pulled her wand out and flicked a quick privacy charm at the door. “Hermione, don’t try and insult my intelligence. There are a scant handful of people, outside of his fellow Professors, that would ever use his name so comfortably and I have never known him to allow any student, current or former, to do so.” She sipped her tea. “You can rely on my discretion, but take care around others. I trust that this all happened after you were of age?” She did ask.

 

Hermione blushed, but nodded. “Yes ma’am.”

 

“Then I will keep out of it, unless you need someone to talk to. I imagine you haven’t had the luxury of a confidant, especially about this. Contrary to what you might think, I do remember what it’s like to be young.” Poppy smiled softly.

 

“You don’t disapprove?” Hermione frowned.

 

“I have concerns, but likely not the ones you expect me to have. You are young, but I am aware that your age is somewhat altered from your third year and you’ve always been remarkably mature for your age. Merlin knows, hanging around with Potter and Weasley, someone had to take the role of the responsible adult.” She snorted. “I just worry that if you should decide to move on from this, that he might never recover. He’s had so little to hold onto in his life, I fear that one more loss might be more than he could take. Not that it's your responsibility to worry about that.”

 

Hermione nodded quietly. “Once the situation here is more settled…there are things we’ll need to work out, but I don’t see myself walking away.” She tried to reassure the older witch, seeing that like Phineas, Poppy seemed to care about Severus in her own way.

 

“Well, my door is always open if you need anything at all.” Poppy said, seeming to sense that there was a lot being left unsaid, but she chose not to pry.

 

o.o.O.o.o

 

There was something soothing about watching her sleep, curled on her side in the bed that had been his for more than a decade. The carved serpents on the headboard stood sentinel over their sleeping charge, guarding her dreams. Realistically, Severus knew he should be in bed, but his mind wouldn’t quiet enough to sleep until he saw that she was back here safely. He approached the bed on silent feet and carefully sat down beside her, and smiled as her eyes opened.

 

“How long have you been awake?” he asked softly.

 

“I heard you open the bedroom door,” she said and gave him a small smile. “Stay?”

 

“Are you sure?” He hadn’t wanted to simply assume that things would be as they had been, before Dumbledore’s death. It had been too much to hope that they could pick up where they’d been forced to leave off.

 

“With you, I’m always sure. Come to bed.” She pulled back the blankets to make room for him.

 

Severus unbelted the robe he’d tossed over his pajamas to check on her and laid it over a chair, before sliding into the warm bed beside her. He curled around her, his face nestled against the back of her neck. She smelled like sage and peppermint, her curls were slightly damp from her shower. He’d dreamt about this so many times over the last year, of having her safe in his arms and not out being hunted like an animal by Greyback and his Snatchers.

 

“You’ve been brewing,” he muttered against her skin, under the smell of her bath products he could detect the tell-tale vapours still clinging stubbornly to her.

 

“Madame Pomfrey was running low and Phineas asked me to replenish her stores. He gave me the password to your lab,” she explained in a somewhat sleepy voice.

 

“You wouldn’t have needed one.” He chuckled. “It’s still keyed to you.” He tightened his arms around her slightly.

 

“What will you do if they don’t clear you?” she asked softly.

 

It was a question he had been hoping to avoid discussing with her, but he supposed that more than anyone, she had a right to ask it. “I won’t let them take me to Azkaban,” he said quietly. “I made provisions in case of that eventuality and I should be able to escape detection easily enough.”

 

“Let me go with you?” She slipped her fingers through his.

 

“No. You can’t throw away your future for me. I can’t let you do that.” He shook his head, the immediate, visceral response shocking him with his strength.

 

“It’s my decision to make, Severus. No matter what happens, let me be with you.”

 

He closed his eyes tightly and tried to swallow past the lump in his throat. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” he refused to agree. She had a bright future ahead of her and he couldn’t allow her to throw it away just for him. He didn’t deserve such loyalty, not after all he’d done. He loved her too much to ask her to live that kind of life, simply for his sake. He’d walk willingly into Azkaban first.

 

“That’s not an answer,” she called him out instantly.

 

“No, it’s not.” He didn’t even try to deny it. “We’ll talk more tomorrow, for now just sleep.” He tried to soothe her, before he managed to whip her into a fury. Then neither of them would be getting any rest much before dawn and they both very much needed it.

 

“Fine…but we are going to talk about this,” she said and shifted a little to get more comfortable.

 

“We will,” he promised, and slowly drifted off. There was no sense borrowing trouble until it was absolutely necessary. For the moment he just wanted to enjoy the simple pleasure of having her in his arms with no imminent crisis hovering on the horizon that would drive him from her bed any sooner than they were both prepared for. All those months spent dreaming about her, and it was frustrating to simply be too exhausted to do anything other than sleep.

 

o.o.O.o.o

 

Hermione woke to the sensation of lips kissing their way up her neck, and nuzzling just below her ear. Severus’ hands weren’t exactly being idle either. Dextrous fingers had slipped between her thighs, teasing her with languid strokes and driven by his intimate knowledge of just what she liked best. She moaned softly as he pressed a finger inside of her, testing just how wet she was.

 

“Severus.”

 

The wicked chuckle that slipped from his lips made her heart race even more. The sound making her recall so many nights when he’d spend literally hours teasing her and driving her utterly mad with need, before finally giving in. As much as she loved that side of him, right now her need was far more urgent. She needed him inside of her. Now. Reaching back, she stroked her hand over his hip and along his hardening length.

 

“Please, Severus,” she said. “I need you.”

 

A whispered spell banished their night clothes to the far corner of the room, and Hermione rolled onto her back. As Severus carefully moved into the cradle of her thighs, she traced a hand down his chest grounding herself in the feel of him. This wasn’t a dream, or a hallucination. He was really here with her.

 

“I am yours, Hermione. Every piece of me.” He brushed his thumb over her cheekbone, leaning down to kiss her deeply as he pressed into her body. He took his time, muscles trembling with control as he fought to give her time to readjust to the size of him.

 

“Don’t hold back.” Hermione returned the kiss, unable to help the thread of desperation in it. She wrapped her legs around him, taking him into her completely. He was still for a long moment, before pulling back and thrusting hard and deep. He slipped his fingers through hers and held on for dear life as he began to move. It had been too long, and she needed that edge of just a bit too much to sear this moment into her memory. Given permission, the soft searching kiss grew wilder, teeth mixing with lips and tongues.

 

Severus’ lips burned kisses along her jaw and down her throat, as his hips drove relentlessly into her willing body. Hermione gripped his hands tight as he drove them both ruthlessly towards the edge. The slightest shift in angle, just as his teeth clamped down on her shoulder, was enough to make her fall apart under him. She came with an inarticulate cry, shaken by the intensity of it.

 

He didn’t last much longer than she had, rhythm growing erratic as he reached his own peak. His cries were muffled against her throat and he released the near death grip he’d had on her hands, trying to keep the bulk of his weight off her.  

 

“I love you,” she said, once she had enough mental capacity to speak again. Hermione stroked her hand along his side, feeling the tremble in his muscles. She feathered kisses along his shoulder, reassuring him through touch that she wasn’t going anywhere. They both had incredibly deep vulnerabilities, and she knew that Severus’ biggest one was a fear of abandonment. In these few quiet moments, she knew he his mind would be racing, wondering what the future would bring. She was just as guilty of it as he was.

 

Severus carefully eased himself from her body, and laid down beside her. He smiled as she immediately curled closer, nestling against his chest as he tugged the blankets up over their sweaty bodies to protect them from the chill in the air. They were quiet for the longest time, only the crackle of the fire in the grate breaking the easy silence.

 

“You’d really give everything up for me?” he finally said.

 

“Yes.”

 

His arm tightened around her in response, that one simple word more frightening than anything he’d ever faced in his life. It rang with conviction and complete unshakable faith. He wanted to tell her that it was foolish, and that there was no way he could allow it, but Merlin he just couldn’t make the words come. A selfish little whisper told him to stop being so damned noble and take was she was so freely offering him.

 

“Then when the times comes, we will make the decision together,” he said after a few more internal battles.

 

“Good.” Hermione leaned up and kissed him softly. “Now, get some more sleep…we both need it.” She rested her head back against his chest, curling up like a contented feline.

 

Severus laid awake, mind whirling too quickly to settle back into sleep. The witch in his arms had a way of tearing through his walls and defences as if they were no more substantial than tissue paper. She saw through everything with a laser focus that honestly terrified him at times. His whole life, those walls and masks had kept him safe and sane, but with her they just got in the way. Being with her like this was addictive simply because there never needed to be any pretense. She knew him. Tonight, for the first time in a very long time, he allowed himself to hope. He hoped that the Ministry would grant him a second chance. The last thing he wanted was to drag her down with him, no matter how willingly she might fall.

 

A little pop at his right drew his attention. Winky was there, with a letter in her hand. Even from here, he could see the Seal of the Wizengamot. He summoned his wand from the bedside table and levitated the letter onto the bed. He cast a series of intensive detection charms on it, before picking it up and breaking the seal.

_Headmaster Severus T. Snape,_

_After the careful review of all evidence, testimony, and memories available to us, it is the decision of the Wizengamot and War Crimes Tribunal that you are found not criminally responsible for any actions undertaken during the first or second wizarding war. You are hereby pardoned of all offences known and unknown, and immune from further prosecution._

_Sincerely,_

_Tiberius Ogden_

_Supreme Mugwump_

_&_

_Kingsley Shackelbolt_

_Interim Minister for Magic_

Severus turned the paper over, looking for more but there was nothing else. Carefully, he slipped out of the bed and laid the letter on the pillow beside Hermione. Using his wand he traced it along her stomach, casting a contraception charm…just in case. He relit the fire in the grate to keep her warm, and headed for the bathroom.

 

It was hard to put a name to the feelings roiling through him, but it was impossible to concentrate even on the simple task of turning on the water in the shower. He was free. Truly free. He stood under the near-scalding spray and tried to wrap his mind around it. It seemed impossible. Somehow, she’d done it, convinced them that he was innocent of the crimes they had accused him off. Alone, he let tears finally escape his eyes and sobbed quietly. It was finally over.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Flashback**

**July, 3 rd  1997**

 

Bluebell flames danced inside a glass bottle, held in the palm of Severus’ hand. It was one of the few things he’d taken with him when he’d fled the school. The only thing worth protecting in the event that Minerva or others would have forced their way into his rooms and destroyed his belongings. He wouldn’t have blamed them for trying either. No matter the reason, he had killed Albus. Potter had seen everything, and there would be no doubt that the boy would scream it to the skies. The comforting blue glow was all he had of Hermione now. She’d given it to him at Christmas, and he’d understood why...even then.

 

Because of the necessity of binding Dolohov’s curse with his own magic, she now carried a piece of that magic inside her. This was her way of giving him a little piece of her magic. He’d cast powerful unbreakable charms on the glass, and he kept it in his cloak. Her magic was complex and reminded him abstractly of sun ripened berries and honey, the warm kiss of summer. A piece of light to see him through the darkness gathering all around him. His own personal talisman. 

 

The door creaked open behind him, and he palmed his wand. Lucius was standing there, looking haunted and drawn. He and the others had been spirited out of Azkaban mere hours after Dumbledore had been killed, but Lucius was still in horrific condition.

 

“Miss Granger’s handiwork?” he asked, sitting down in a nearby chair heavily.

 

Severus looked at the jar and nodded. “Yes.”

 

“She’s resourceful, she’ll be all right.” Lucius reassured him.

 

“You don’t know that.” Severus tucked it away. “None of us are very likely to get through this alive.”

 

“Perhaps not, but sometimes hope is all we have to hold on to.” Lucius met his eyes.

 

“I hold no hope for myself. There are only two possible ends for me and neither one lets me be with her again.” Severus stood and walked to the window, looking out over Knockturn Alley. “If you make it through this…look after her for me.”

 

“You don’t even need to ask.” Lucius replied.


	7. Facing the World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Back after a bit of a writing hiatus. Enjoy everyone!

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Present**

**May 5 th, 1998**

 

 

Hermione woke, stretching languidly, only to realize that she was alone. She was instantly more alert, and then she saw the piece of paper on the pillow beside her. Her heart nearly stopped as she reached out for it, tears rising in her eyes. He couldn’t be gone. He’d promised. She almost didn’t want to read it, but she forced herself to unfold the paper. In place of fear and loss, there was only confusion. Severus had been exonerated, fully and completely. She dropped the letter back down onto the bed and got up, grabbing a robe and wrapping herself in it.

 

She headed into the main living area and stopped in the doorway, trying to process the sight she encountered. Severus was sitting in his usual armchair, dressed impeccably as always, but his robes were a deep forest green, edged in black. It was the first time she’d ever seen him wear anything other than black and white. It was possible the stress of everything was causing her to have a dissociative incident. Maybe she needed to see Poppy.

 

“Severus?” she said.

 

“I didn’t want to wake you,” he said and stood, coming over and taking her hand. “You read it?”

 

“I thought you were gone…” she said, feeling tears welling up in her eyes again.

 

“I’m right here.” He pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her. “I would never leave you like that.”

 

Hermione held on tightly, hating that she’d been so instantly afraid of losing him. She felt him press a kiss against her tangled curls and his one hand rubbed circles on her lower back. They’d been through so much and now that it was over, Hermione was starting to realize just how much it had affected her.

 

“Winky brought coffee, and some breakfast. Are you hungry?” he asked, pulling back a bit.

 

“I am.” She gave him a small smile, then. “You’re free now.”

 

“Thanks to you,” he said and guided her over to her chair. He made up her coffee the way she liked it best, and pressed it into her hands. “I need to face Minerva and the others today, I’ve let it go long enough.”

 

“Are you well enough?”

 

“After last night, I think we both know I am.” He chuckled. “I’m a free man and I can’t keep hiding like a criminal. I need to face what I’ve done.” His tone was instantly more somber.

 

“Can I be there?” Hermione asked, not wanting to infer that he’d need protecting. Merlin, Severus was the most capable duelist she knew, but she wanted to be there to support him.

 

“We can’t enter together, but if you happen to be in the staff room before I get there…I’d hardly ask you to leave.” It was a Slytherin manoeuver, but one she was comfortable with.

 

“Ok.” She took a sip of her coffee and nearly moaned in pleasure. It had been so long since she’d had real coffee with cream. Winky was a goddess, as she was concerned.

 

“Hedonist.” He snorted and sipped his tea. His plate of scones and jam were untouched, a sign that his mind was fully occupied with the coming confrontation.  “After things are settled here, you should go and see Mr. Potter,” Severus said.

 

“He doesn’t want to see me.” Hermione looked away from Severus’ all too perceptive gaze.

 

“Want…no, but the longer you leave this to fester, the worse it will be. He’s too much like his mother, and I know how much his friendship means to you.” He softened his tone, not lecturing, but trying to advise.

 

It was clear that saying that had taken a lot, so Hermione didn’t cheapen his words with a verbal response. She reached over and touched his hand, nodding in agreement. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, Severus was right. Things between her and Harry needed to be addressed, before they degraded any more. She loved him like a brother and losing him would kill something inside her.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Present**

**May 5 th, 1998**

 

Severus took a deep breath before walking into the staff room. He was fully prepared for a hex to be thrown his way, but only silence followed his abrupt entrance. There was an array of expressions painting their faces, guilt, blame, and apprehension in spades. He read it clearly in every pursed lip and averted gaze. This would not be an easy hill to climb, that much was certain. He spotted Hermione sitting by the window, and she offered him a small careful smile. At least he had one ally in the room.

 

“Severus…” Minerva was the first to speak, everyone seeming to wait for her reaction.

 

“As you may have heard, I have been cleared of all charges by special tribunal. I do, however, owe all of you my sincerest apologies for everything that happened this past year, and for the necessity of concealing many truths from you,” Severus said, back held very straight. The tension in the room was nearly suffocating.

 

“I have a feeling we all know who is really to blame for that, and it certainly isn’t you, Severus,” Poppy said, breaking the silence. “Come and sit down. I can’t imagine you’re in much better shape than the rest of us and I will expect you in the infirmary after this meeting for a full diagnostic.” The medi-witch’s easy acceptance seemed to thaw the room a little.

 

“And we should also apologize, for thinking the worst and not questioning things,” Filius said, looking quite uncomfortable. “I’ve known you since you were a student. I should have thought to ask more questions.”

 

“It was imperative that no one suspect the truth, any hint of it and I would have been killed. I nearly was anyway.” He sighed and shook his head to banish that particular thought. If not for the quick thinking of his witch, he’d be rotting away in the Shrieking Shack. “Where are we on the essential repairs, and how are the students coping?”

 

“The Entrance Hall and Great Hall have been repaired, though the ceiling hasn’t responded to our charm work. The students are getting stir crazy, but we felt it was safest to keep them in the dorms. We are attempting to contact everyone’s parents and make arrangements to get them home.” Minerva seemed to shake herself from inaction and took her usual seat at the table.

 

“Good, before they go home, I will need to address the students,” Severus said. “I believe that given everything that occurred this year that all students should repeat this year. It will mean a double class of first year students, but I can see no other option that does not make things worse.” He moved to stand at the head of the table, but did not sit down.

 

“You will be remaining as Headmaster then,” Minerva said, her lips pressed into a thin line.

 

“Hogwarts has not seen fit to reject me, so yes, I will be remaining,” Severus said, looking at the older witch. “At least until the board sees fit to dismiss me.”

 

“And technically they can’t,” Hermione said from her spot by the window.

 

“What do you mean they can’t?” Aurora Sinestra said, looking over.  

 

“What Miss Granger is referring to is the rule that only the board that appointed a Headmaster, can summarily fire him. If there have been any more than two new members added, the Headmaster has a period of two years reprieve before he can be dismissed,” Minerva huffed. “And since the board that appointed Severus was composed almost entirely of Death eaters, his appointment must stand.”

 

“Then for the next two years, I suppose you are stuck with me,” Severus said, trying not to look darkly pleased by that fact. “After I visit with Poppy and convince her I am not immediately about to expire, I will be in my office. The password is Tansy.” He inclined his head, having to use concerted effort to not look at Hermione. He could feel her presence like a warmth, and he longed to go to her. “Filius, I do have some things I would like to discuss with you later, when you have the time. I would also appreciate if all the Heads of House could please meet me tomorrow morning after breakfast. We need to make firm plans for the students’ safe return to their parents, and decide what is to be done for those who have lost their parents.”

 

“Of course, I’ll come by this afternoon,” Filius said respectfully. “And I will make sure I inform Horace of the meeting. He’s been assisting with the injured at St. Mungo’s.”

 

“Thank you. I will see you all later.” Severus swept out of the room, his trademark billow in full force. The more annoyed he was, the more dramatic his movements. It was a petty thing, but he had to take his pleasures where he could.

 

He had to walk for a while, before he was ready to face Poppy. Of all of them, she was the one he felt the worst for deceiving. He entered the Hospital wing to find her waiting for him. He sat down on the nearest cot, without needing to be told.

 

“You could have trusted me,” she said quietly as she began her diagnostic. “I know why you didn’t, but you could have.”

 

“It was bad enough Miss Granger had to carry that knowledge. I didn’t want to burden anyone else.” He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face.  

 

“That woman saved your life, from what I can see.” Poppy clucked over the results. “You’re still magically depleted, but that should continue to recover over the next few weeks. I would tell you to take it easy, but we both know that you won’t.” There was a touch of fondness in her voice.  

 

“There’s too much to be done.” He made his usual excuse. There was always too much too be done to look after himself. Self-care had never been terribly high on his priority list.

 

“I know. Let her look after you a little,” Poppy said, laughing a little when Severus paled.  “Yes I know.” She gave him a hard look.

 

“Shall I start checking my food for poisons?” He wasn’t even joking. There were many witches he considered formidable, but Poppy was just about the only one he considered truly dangerous. Anyone that well-versed in putting people back together was to be respected. They could take a person apart just as easily.   

 

“No…but if you don’t treat her properly, that could change.” She met his eyes seriously.

 

“I would expect no less,” he said quietly. “If there is anything you require, please just let me know and I will attempt to make sure that it is taken care of.”

 

“All I require is for you to give yourself time to recover.” She gave him a small smile. “I’ll see you at breakfast tomorrow.”

 

“Thank you, Poppy.” Severus was grateful that at least one member of the staff was pleased to learn the truth, the rest might take time to come around. If they ever did.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Present**

**May 5 th, 1998**

 

Hermione was standing just beyond the gate that led up to the Burrow. The fact that it was still standing was something of a minor miracle in her eyes. She’d have thought for sure that the Death Eaters would have destroyed it, but amazingly, it seemed none the worse for wear.

 

“You going to stand there all day Granger, or come inside?” George said, coming around the side of the building. His trademark smile a little dimmed.

 

“I wasn’t sure if I was welcome,” Hermione admitted sheepishly. Saying it out loud, it sounded pretty stupid.  

 

“Then let me make it clear for you; you’re family.” George opened the gate and offered her a hand.

 

Hermione reached out and took his hand, squeezing it a little. She let him draw her in, pulling her towards the door. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and the weight she’d felt sitting there started to ease away.

 

“I’m so sorry, about Ginny,” she said just before they reached the door.

 

“She fought hard, never saw Dolohov hit her from behind,” George said, jaw tightening. “Bastard certainly saw me and Fred, before we took him out.”

 

Hermione shifted and hugged him tightly around the middle. She hated seeing that look on his face, knowing that he’d been forced to kill. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and just held on.

 

“I’m glad you’re ok, and that you managed to keep Ron and Harry in one piece through all of this,” George said and moved back, meeting her eyes. “You did good, Granger. Come on in, Mum and Dad will be happy to see you.” At her nod, he guided her inside through the kitchen. “Oi Gred! Look who I found skulking about by the garden gate.”

 

“Granger, good to see you’re still in one piece.” Fred came over and pulled her into a hug. “We’d been wondering where you’d disappeared to.”

 

“I was at Hogwarts, helping out with things there,” she said. “There’s a lot to do, and…”

 

“And she was worried Harry’s still got his nose out of joint,” George said.

 

“Well, we’d better get them in a room together then,” Fred said and both twins took up position on either side of her and marched her through to the living room where Harry and Ron were sitting by the fireplace.

 

Harry looked up as the door opened and he looked…conflicted.

 

“Hermione,” Harry said.

 

“You three need to have a talk. No storming off until you hear each other out, or we’ll put you all in place with sticking charms,” George said and brought Hermione over to the nearest chair and sat her down.

 

Ron scowled a little, but nodded. “We’re not two years old George…”

 

“Then don’t act like it.” Fred cuffed him in the back of the head, before the twins left the room and retreated back to the kitchen.

 

The silence that followed was extremely uncomfortable. As the three of them flicked their eyes back and forth, they waited for someone to take the plunge and say something.

 

“I shouldn’t have stormed out like that,” Harry finally said. “It wasn’t fair of me to blow up at you; it wasn’t your fault.”

 

“It’s ok, I know how you hate people keeping things from you. I wanted to tell you, I really did,” Hermione said, needing him to believe that. “I wasn’t thinking straight when I took that oath, which is exactly why Dumbledore made me swear it when he did.”

 

“He really was a bastard, wasn’t he?” Harry said and slumped back into the couch.

 

“So you were working with Snape the whole time? Even when we were living out in that mouldy old tent?” Ron asked, shifting the conversation away from the landmine that was Albus Dumbledore.  

 

“No, after he killed Dumbledore, I didn’t have any contact with him, until we found him in the Shrieking Shack. It would have been too dangerous for us to risk contact. I knew it was his patronus that led you to the sword, but I didn’t know he was there. I had Headmaster Black’s portrait in my bag, he must have heard me mention the Forest of Dean and passed the information to Snape.” She caught herself from calling him Severus. She really needed to be more careful, particularly now.

 

“So when Bellatrix was torturing you…” Harry trailed off.

 

“If I’d broken and told her Snape gave us the sword, the Unbreakable Oath would have killed me.” Hermione rubbed her arms. She’d been terrified that night, certain that no matter what happened she would be dead by morning. Either Bellatrix would kill her, or the oath would. “I didn’t know everything that was going on, but I knew enough. I knew he was on our side, and I knew that things were going to get really bad before they got better.”

 

“I still can’t believe I didn’t notice what was going on with you…” Harry frowned.

 

“You were busy watching Draco, and with your lessons with Dumbledore.” Hermione shrugged. “It’s probably good you didn’t notice. And Ron was too busy sticking his tongue down Lavender’s throat.” She smiled sweetly at their other friend.

 

Ron’s cheeks flushed a dark red. “I thought we all promised to not talk about that.”

 

“You asked us not to mention it, I never promised anything.” Hermione smirked, and as they all dissolved into laughter everything seemed to shift back into the safe realm of normal. There was still something considering in Harry’s gaze as he watched her, and she knew that he had other questions for her. It was inevitable that he would, she just hoped none of them were too insightful.

 

Ron told them Ginny’s funeral was going to be held in two days. The sheer number of dead was staggering when you considered the size of the British Wizarding population. They were going to feel the very real effects of these losses for decades to come. Only time would tell if they could recover from this without extreme measures. Knowing how overreaching and prone to interference the Ministry could be, Hermione worried about what they might do to try and force things along. That, however, was a worry for another day.

 

“I’m going to go and see if Mum has any biscuits set out, I’ll be right back.” Ron stood and slipped away.

 

“One thing I don’t understand,” Harry said, coming over to sit down on the sofa beside Hermione. “All through sixth year, I was obsessively watching the Marauder’s Map and I never once saw you with Snape.”

 

Hermione smirked. “Professor Lupin taught me how to trick the map.”

 

“No, he said the map was never wrong.” Harry frowned.

 

“I remembered Sirius telling us that he, James, and Peter did most of the mapping, but that Lupin had handled the enchantments. I just know that if I had designed a map that would show everyone’s location all the time, that I’d have built in a way to trick it. Just in case.” Hermione winked at Harry. “So, I asked him about it…”

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Flashback**

**July 15 th, 1996**

 

“Ah, Hermione. How are you feeling?” Remus asked as Hermione came into the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. He tried to muster a smile, but Hermione could see that it was just an attempt, and a piss poor one at that.  

 

“Better, Professor Snape left another potion and it’s been helping with the residual pain.” Even weeks after the incident at the Ministry, there was phantom pain in her scar. The Professor’s magic dampened it, but it would take time for it to quiet completely. There was also a small chance that it might never be any better than it was. In hindsight, she was lucky enough to just be alive.

 

“That’s good, I am glad that you’re alright. Seeing you at Ministry, before they took you back to Hogwarts, I wasn’t sure you were going to make it,” he said honestly.

 

“I’m so sorry about Sirius,” Hermione said quietly. She wasn’t blind and living here at Grimmauld Place meant that she’d seen enough to know that the two remaining Marauders had been quite a bit more than ‘just friends’. She sat down at the table across from him.

 

“It’s not your fault,” Remus said and laid a hand over hers. “He was going mad stuck in this place, and we all take that risk whenever we go against the Death Eaters. They are powerful, skilled, and ruthless. He knew what he was doing.”

 

Hermione nodded and met his eyes.

 

“Now, since you’re up, can I rustle you up a little breakfast?” he offered, trying very hard to dispel the gloom that seemed to perpetually hang in the air here.

 

“Maybe just some tea and toast?” Hermione asked, not really wanting much, but it would give Remus something to occupy himself with. “I actually had a question for you.”

 

“Of course, what did you want to ask?” Remus got up and headed to the side, putting the kettle on the hob and sliced some bread.

 

“Is there any way to manipulate the Marauder’s Map?” she asked, trying to keep her tone purposefully innocent.

 

“Perhaps, it would depend on why you were asking.” Remus looked over his shoulder, a slightly suspicious expression on his face.

 

“Some of the things I’ll be doing for the Order might mean that I need to move around Hogwarts, without Harry following me,” she said honestly. Severus had told her that he wanted to work on her dueling this summer and next year. Getting time to do that would be tricky. After the fiasco at the Ministry, she knew that right now they were all hopelessly outclassed. If they were going to go toe-to-toe with them again, she needed to get better and fast. DADA had never been her best subject, but she couldn’t just fumble along now. This was life and death.

 

Remus’ suspicion melted away instantly and he nodded, coming back over. “There is a charm I can teach you.” A bit of mischief played across his face. “But you’ll need to promise not to share it with anyone. Not even Harry.”

 

“I solemnly swear.” Hermione smirked, and the two of them laughed a little.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Present**

**May 5 th, 1998**

 

“Once a Marauder…” Harry smiled at that. “I can’t believe he’s gone too.” His smile melted away.

 

Hermione reached over and slipped her hand into his. Lupin and Tonks were a loss that would be hard to come to terms with, for all of them. They’d left behind their son, Teddy, and it would be all their responsibilities to make sure that he learned about both his courageous parents.

 

“He was a great man, and a good friend,” she said. “He’d be so proud of you, Harry.”

 

“I hope so, Hermione.” He squeezed her hand back. “Are we ok?” he asked.

 

“I think we are.” She gave him a small smile, letting go of his hand only when Ron came in with a plate of chocolate biscuits, and the twins were right behind him with some tea for everyone. For the moment, everything was right with the world.

 

Much later, Molly came in, her eyes rimmed in red, but she gave Hermione a very warm smile despite her obvious pain.

 

“Will you be staying here too, dear?” she asked.

 

“No, I’ll be staying at Hogwarts for the next little while. Professor McGonagall and the other teachers could use the extra set of hands, and it’s good to stay busy,” Hermione said, relieved when the older witch nodded in understanding.

 

“You’ll stay for dinner then, and I won’t hear of anything else,” Molly said. “Ronald, come and help me get the table set. Hermione, can you and Harry go and pick some strawberries from the garden for dessert? There’s a basket by the back door.”

 

“Of course.” Hermione stood and headed for the back door, Harry right behind her. They headed out to the strawberry patch, and started harvesting the ripe red berries.

 

“So, Snape really taught you all that stuff?” Harry asked.

 

“Yes, he did.” She bit down the automatic ‘Professor Snape’, correction. “He taught me as much as he could, before he had to go. He knew how much danger we were going to be in; it was the best he could do.” Harry and Severus were honestly like oil and water, it would take a lot of work to get them to be on the same page about things.

 

“I guess there’s a lot I still don’t know about him.” Harry frowned.

 

“He’s a very private man, Harry. Do yourself a favour, and try not to pry. He only shared those memories with you because he thought he was actually dying. I imagine he’s pretty mortified knowing how much you know now.” Her lips quirked, wondering if that had actually occurred to Severus yet.

 

“He’s going to kill me…isn’t he?” Harry paled a little, the full ramifications hitting him in that moment.

 

“If he hasn’t so far, you’re probably safe.” Hermione popped a strawberry into her mouth, grinning evilly as Harry turned a funny shade of green. “Probably.”     


	8. Slytherin Sensibilities

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Present**

**May 5 th, 1998**

 

Severus entered his office, feeling for the first time like it was actually his. For the last several months, he’d felt like a pretender, an intruder. This was his office now, or at least for two more years. The portraits all crowded forward in their frames as he strode through the room.

 

“Ah Severus my boy, it’s a relief to see you safe and well…” Albus began to speak.

 

“Shove it, Albus,” Phineas snapped at him. “You wanted him dead in the ground and every one of us knows that. Luckily, he’s harder to kill than you anticipated.”

 

“I never…” Albus protested.

 

“Enough,” Severus said, dark eyes settling on the portrait of his predecessor. “Whatever you planned Albus, whatever your intentions were, I am alive and I will be remaining as Headmaster of Hogwarts. I will remind you, that you are all bound to keep my secrets and nothing that passes in this room will be discussed with anyone without my explicit permission. Phineas, you alone have my leave to speak freely with our mutual friend. That is where my permission ends.” His voice was cool and calm. “When I am alone, you may express your opinions, but when I have company in this room you will be silent, unless invited to join the conversation. This is my wish and my will.” The weight of his words and commands settled in the room and only Phineas seemed pleased.

 

“Your wish and will is understood, Headmaster Snape.” Phineas gave a respectful bow.

 

“Thank you, Phineas,” Severus said and headed to the desk, sitting down and leaning back in the chair. In a few days he would start altering the room to suit himself, and banish the few remaining reminders of Albus. He pulled out a sheaf of fresh parchment and started to outline his plans for the coming year. There would be a few unpopular changes for certain, but he was hoping to pair them with a couple more palatable appointments to soften things. For years he had wished for the ability to change things, and finally he could. Even if they did run him out in two years, hopefully these changes would help to mitigate a small amount of the harm he’d been forced to cause.

 

He rubbed his temple a little, trying hard not to dwell on the horrendous things he’d been forced to do. He had to do better. There was no other option for him. Students using Unforgivables on each other could not be his legacy to Hogwarts. It would not be.

 

A knock on the door roused him from those dark and self-destructive thoughts. A gesture of his hand opened the door to admit Filius.

 

“I hope this is a good time, Severus.” The diminutive Charms Professor crossed the room, smiling at Severus.

 

“Yes, please have a seat. Winky, tea for two please.” He asked and set his plans aside. “I’ve sent a letter to the Ministry and hopefully I’ll be able to meet with Kingsley about the children that have been orphaned. Until arrangements can be made, I propose having them remain here at Hogwarts,” he began as tea arrived and they both began to fix their cups the way they wanted.

 

“I think that’s a good start. Pomona and I were talking about that yesterday. I think we’d both be happy to volunteer our time to look after them, until other arrangements can be made.” He said.

 

“Good, then we have a plan for them. I will be naming a new Deputy, but I will not be nominating any of the Heads of House. The coming year will be extremely challenging and I don’t think it’s fair to ask any of you to divide your attention.” He began with one of the touchier subjects.

 

Filius looked contemplative and then nodded in agreement. “I can see the merits of your decision, but you understand there will be a certain amount of…resistance. Who did you have in mind?”

 

“The obvious choices are Septimia, Aurora, or Bathsheda. They’ve all taught for a number of years, and their course loads are far more conducive to having the time to shoulder the administrative role the Deputy Headmistress comprises,” Severus said. His personal preference was to have Aurora assume the role, but appointing another Slytherin would likely raise eyebrows. Compromises.

 

“Septimia was raised by her muggle father, after her mother died. She might be the best choice, particularly for approaching muggleborn students and their families. Aurora and Bathsheda are both purebloods and likely less comfortable moving in the muggle world.” Filius gave his opinion. “It also might be a good idea to have Minerva, Pomona, and Horace give their opinions too, before approaching any of them on the matter.”

 

Severus nodded. “I know it will not be a popular move, but I feel it is for the best.” He sipped his tea. “I also plan to replace Binns. History is a vitally important subject, and has been too long ignored here at Hogwarts.”

 

“You’re going to exorcise him?” Filius looked stunned.

 

“No, merely hire a new Professor and set up the class in a different part of the castle. Binns will adjust to it, and our students are more important than catering to the whims of a ghost. I will be asking William Weasley to join us as Defence instructor next year, and also hiring him to be certain the curse on the position is truly broken. Given the tensions with the goblins right now, I fear that he will be unable to return to his job at the bank, until the Ministry comes to some plan for reparations. The year will give me time to find a permanent teacher for that position.”

 

“I can make up a list of names for potential History Professors, if you’d like?” Filius smiled.

 

“I would appreciate that, very much. Thank you for making the time, I know we are all very busy right now,” Severus said.

 

“We are, but the future of Hogwarts is just as important as the needs of the moment. I am pleased that we were all wrong about you, Severus. I regret that you nearly had to die for us all to see sense. The rest will come around, in time.” Flitwick set his tea cup down. “If you could attend to the ceiling in the Great Hall, it would be appreciated. Apparently, the castle seems to be taking our attacking you personally.”

 

Severus chuckled and nodded. “I will see to it shortly.” He had a few more changes he planned to make, but those were the ones to tackle first.

 

Once Filius left, he walked over to the window and looked out over the grounds where the Ministry teams were still clearing rubble and debris. He couldn’t help but wonder how Hermione was, and how her reunion with Potter had gone. Somehow, he imagined that it had gone a far sight better than his attempted apologies to Lily. Sobbing on the floor outside the Gryffindor portrait hole had not been one of his finest moments. Thank Merlin his years of teenage angst were long behind him.

 

“Minerva deserves to have her job back, Severus,” Albus said. “I can’t understand why you wouldn’t want her expertise.”

 

Severus sighed and turned. “Minerva will have her hands full with her Gryffindors next year, as will every other Head of House.” He looked at Albus evenly. “It is my decision, and that is the end of it.”

 

“We all know how your decisions tend to end, Severus.” Albus said.

 

Severus felt a wash of heat roll up his neck. “Enough.” He growled, resisting the urge to blast the portrait of the wall. “You are not Headmaster any longer, Albus. Anything I might have once owed you, has long since been repaid in full. I seek neither your counsel, nor your judgement.”

 

“You always were one to push too far, Albus. Don’t forget how your own actions helped bring us to this place. Perhaps if you’d chosen to show kindness to a motherless boy once, rather than suspicion, things might have been quite different.” Armando Dippet chimed in. “Hogwarts is now in his care, and his decisions must be his own. He has been through much in this last year, as have so many others. The time for war is past, and healing is a much different business.”

 

“Thank you, Armando.” Severus nodded, taking a deep breath to calm himself. “Now, I had best go and see to the Great Hall.” He left the office, trying to shed the tensions of the moment.       

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Flashback**

**July, 1995**

 

A sharp flick of his wand transfigured Lucius’ robes into an expensive looking muggle business suit. He was loathe to do it, but for the moment the subterfuge was necessary. The muggle park had been an obvious choice for this meeting, well removed from the comfort zone of all those involved. He was no fool, for all the championing of muggleborn rights that Albus Dumbledore did, he was no more at ease outside of the magical world than Lucius was. There were skeletons in Dumbledore’s closet, ones that were best left buried in the darkness and dust. A clever man always knew where his enemy’s weakness were, even if he chose not to expose them to others. They were all so much more than they appeared, and it was those deeper layers that had brought him here today.

 

His pale grey eyes gazed out over the grassy area where people were enjoying the beautiful summer weather. Children ran and played, carefree and completely unaware of the storm brewing in an invisible world far removed from their lives. Such innocence. How long had it been since Lucius had been that unencumbered by the harsh realities of the world? He couldn’t remember a time where he’d just been that singularly focused on the pursuit of childish glee. That revelation was rather sad.

 

“A beautiful sound, isn’t it? The laughter of children.” Albus Dumbledore came to join him, his blue eyes following Lucius’ gaze to where the children were playing.

 

“Indeed,” Lucius agreed and straightened, pulling his familiar masks back around himself before turning to look at the Headmaster. “I am surprised you agreed to meet with me, Dumbledore.”

 

“I decided that it was wise to hear what you had to say, though I doubt your motivations,” the older wizard said. His suit was not in the modern style, and his outrageous purple socks stood out glaringly.

 

“In this, my motivations could not be purer,” Lucius said and gestured for the older man to walk with him. “Think what you will of me, but never doubt that I love my son. Current events leave me very much in fear for his safety, and his future.” The Dark Lord had returned and rather than being cause for celebration, for Lucius at least, it was cause for panic. He had prayed so many nights that the sadistic, megalomaniac was gone forever. Unfortunately, the night in graveyard just weeks ago had seen his darkest fears come to life. Now his home was playing host to the vindictive wraith, something that looked more like an Inferi than a man, and who seemed determined to ruin everything Lucius had worked so hard to build. His father Abraxas had been the true believer, but Lucius was just trying to get out with his skin intact.

 

“I can understand how that might motivate you to seek…alternatives,” the Headmaster observed shrewdly.

 

Their feet took them down a crushed stone path, ancient oaks creating a living tunnel as their limbs intertwined overhead. It had taken everything in Lucius to send the message to a man he despised, but in the end he could stomach dealing with him, if it offered his family some kind of future. He hated everything that Albus stood for, the great hypocrite, but principals wouldn’t keep his son alive.

 

“The question, Lucius, is what you can offer us in exchange for your son’s protection,” Albus said.

 

“Far more than you can imagine,” Lucius retorted, an arrogant smirk crossing his lips. “Your spy in the Dark Lord’s inner circle is compromised by the sheer fact that our Master knows he plays both sides. That is both the beauty and limitation of Severus’ position. Having an unknown in the Inner Circle hands you information that is always kept from Severus, and I assure you much is kept from him. The Dark Lord is nowhere near as foolish as you believe, and he understand better than you know how Lily Potter’s death shook my dear friend’s faith.” Lucius fell silent as a jogger passed them on the path. He used that pause to let the Headmaster absorb what he was telling him. “Severus needs to be more careful than he has been, because the Dark Lord knows that his loyalties waver. Every scrap of information he hands you, could be a nail in his coffin and then what good will he be to you?”

 

“Severus knows the risks, and willingly accepts them,” Albus said simply, dismissing the danger to his spy with a casual wave of his hand.

 

“And yet, having me feed you information that Severus could not possibly know would take some of the pressure off him, and free him up to regain the trust that he needs to be effective,” Lucius said. “That is my offer, information and strategic aide to help destroy the Dark Lord’s ranks from the inside. I will be a form of misdirection, to allow Severus time to regain his footing. When the time comes, I will strike a vicious blow that will help cripple the Dark Lord’s base of support to clear the way needed for young Mr. Potter to work his usual brilliance. In return, you will ensure that my family is protected. When it is all done you will reveal what both Severus and I did to ensure your victory.” Lucius stopped and turned to face Dumbledore. “That is the deal.”

 

Albus’ blue eyes were absent of their grandfatherly twinkle, these eyes were cold and calculating. He searched Lucius’ face for a long moment before nodding. “We have an agreement then. Safety for your wife and son, if it is ever needed, in exchanged for your aide.” 

 

“You will inform two members of the Order of my involvement, Severus and either Kingsley Shacklebolt or Remus Lupin. Any communications I have for you will be passed through them, as the situation requires. This is not negotiable.” Severus was necessary, and he knew enough about Dumbledore’s machinations to risk hanging everything on just the old man’s good will.

 

“I hardly see why we need to involved that many people...”

 

“Because I trust them to keep to our agreement, in the event that you should…forget it,” Lucius said firmly, eye glittering dangerously. “We are not friends and have been something very close to enemies at times. I trust those two to keep their word and hold their tongues, in the meantime.” Slytherins were cautious, and liked to hedge their bets. Putting all his eggs in one basket was sacrilegious, and he was going to make sure there were key players in place to handle any possible eventuality. He expected Dumbledore to betray him and Severus in the end, if he felt it was to his benefit.

 

A hint of anger showed on the Headmaster’s face, before it was gone. It happened so quickly that you could almost convince yourself that it had been imagined, almost. “Very well, I will ensure they are informed.”

 

“Good.” Lucius smiled. “As a show of good faith, I will inform you that the Dark Lord has begun compiling information about Potter’s nearest friends. Where they live, what their strengths and weaknesses are, and how their loss might affect the boy. All discussed in sessions where Severus was not called. You may want to consider protecting that mudblood that he relies on so heavily. The girl is most wretchedly exposed.”

 

“That term is abhorrent, Lucius,” Albus reproached him.

 

“What is abhorrent is what will happen to that young witch and her family, should you not take my warning seriously.” He shrugged simply, unmoved by the Headmaster’s disapproval. “Now, I do believe we are done here.” Lucius turned and headed off down the path, confident that he was in no danger from the older wizard. He might have come looking for protection, but a Malfoy never allowed anyone else to hold the upper hand.

 

Walking briskly, the blonde wizard’s feet took him to the bank of the duck pond. This particular spot was secluded and tucked out of view from the majority of the park. He needed to process everything, and start preparing for exactly what was to come. This war was only beginning, and Lucius would be fighting not only for his life, but for the future of his family. There was nothing he wouldn’t do, no oath he wouldn’t break or person he wouldn’t betray, to protect the people he loved. He’d been humiliated in the graveyard and that was something his pride simply could not bear. He knew with frightening clarity that the humiliations and abuses would continue. Even in victory, the future of his family was bleak. There was a possibility that he would die in this endeavor, but his life was a small price to pay if it bought the safety of his son and future of their family.

 

Lucius drew in a deep breath and summoned his occlumency shields, before undoing the transfiguration on his robes and disapparating with a subtle crack disturbing the peace of the park. The die had been cast, and his path chosen. All that remained was seeing it through.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Present**

**May 5 th, 1998**

 

Lucius looked down at the letter in his hands, scarcely able to believe it. While Kingsley had known of his role as a spy in the early days of the Dark Lord’s return, he’d had little faith that the man would keep to the agreement in the long run. His interactions with the Auror, now interim Minister of Magic, had been very brief. A tiny smile crossed his lips at one line in particular, citing the compelling testimony of Hermione Granger as being one of the deciding factors in the commuting of his earlier sentence to Azkaban. He was a free man, and no charges would be levied against his wife or son.

 

He let out a shaky breath and tossed the letter onto his desk. They were not at Malfoy Manor, but rather at one of their summer homes, in Dorset. It had belonged to Narcissa’s mother, and was not a well-known property outside the very closest of friends. It had been the most prudent option for them to lay low and wait out the storm following the Dark Lord’s final defeat.

 

“What does it say, Lucius?” Narcissa asked, as she crossed the small study and came to stand beside him.

 

“I am a free man. It seems the Order decided to keep their side of the bargain and Miss Granger apparently gave compelling testimony in my defence.” He looked up at his wife, relieved that things were finally over. “You and Draco have been cleared of all charges as well, naturally.”

 

“Thank Merlin,” she said and rested a hand on his shoulder. “We should return home tomorrow, and begin ridding the Manor of all trace of that monster, and all the evils done there. I’ll write to Miss Granger, there are things that need to be said and you should reach out to Severus. I cannot even imagine where his head is at this moment.”

 

“Of course,” he said and lifted her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to her palm. “You should tell Draco as well. I imagine he’ll welcome the news more readily from you.” His son had been unaware of the bargain he’d struck, and the deceptions had worn hard on their already tenuous relationship. There was a great deal of work to be done to mend things between them. At least now, he had the time to dedicate to that.

 

“He will understand, Lucius. In time.” Narcissa dropped a kiss against her husband’s temple.

 

“Perhaps.” He gave her a small smile. “I’ll join you once I write a few letters.” He squeezed her fingers lightly before releasing them.

 

“Don’t stay up all night.” Narcissa left the room quietly, pausing at the door to look back at him. She left without saying a word, worry lines creasing between her eyebrows.

 

Lucius scrubbed a hand over his face, debating on whether he should write a letter…or simply try to fire-call his friend. He went to the fireplace and tried Spinner’s End first, surprised to not get a response there. After a few failed calls, he chanced trying the Headmaster’s Tower at Hogwarts.

 

“Lucius?” Severus’ face appeared in the flames.

 

“Severus, you’ve been cleared of all charges?” he asked first.

 

“Surprisingly enough, and I assume you have as well?”

 

“Yes. I believe I owe Miss Granger some thanks for that. Is she well?” He knew Narcissa would have choice words for him if he did not enquire after the girl’s well-being. For Severus’ sake, he could ignore the girl’s background and she was a rather remarkable young woman, in spite of it.

 

“She is recovering,” Severus said. “I will be remaining at Hogwarts for the foreseeable future, but I would like to see you. There are some matters I would welcome a bit of friendly advice on.”

 

“We’ll be going home tomorrow, but perhaps Thursday I could come by and we could talk?” Lucius suggested.

 

“I’ll open my floo here in the Tower, if you’d like to come for say 2 o’clock?”

 

“I will see you then, my friend. Be safe in the meantime.”

 

“I will try. Goodnight, Lucius.”

 

“Goodnight, Severus.” Lucius closed the connection and let out a sigh. At least Severus was safe, and equally free. There was much to be done, but that was one worry removed from their minds. Standing, he sealed the floo connection for security, and headed off to bed.


	9. Scars

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Present**

**May 5 th, 1998**

 

It was late when Hermione got back to Hogwarts, having lingered after dinner to sit and talk with Harry, Ron, and the twins. There had echoes of how things had been before the Horcrux hunt, it wasn’t the same, but it had been close enough that she’d wanted to hold on as long as possible. She slipped into the quarters she’d claimed as hers, and smiled as she heard the shower running. She started undressing as she crossed the room, opening the bathroom door to a waft of steam.

 

She could see the blurred outline of Severus’ body through the shower curtain, and a few thoughts drifted through her mind about the pleasant repercussions that could come from surprising him. She pulled her hair band out, and shook her hair to untangle her curls a little. She finished stripping her clothes off and slipped into the shower.

 

“Hermione,” he said and turned, pushing wet hair out of his face.

 

“I thought I’d surprise you.” She moved closer only to be stopped by his hands on her shoulders. “What?”  

 

Severus’ eyes ran over her form, a whole range of emotions at play on his usually controlled face. After the longest time, he raised his gaze back to her face, black eyes searing deep into hers. He moved closer and cupped her face between his hands.

 

“I will never let anyone hurt you again,” he said fiercely. “I’ll kill anyone who tries.”

 

Hermione realized then that this was the first time he’d seen the scars from her torture at the hand of Bellatrix, and the injuries she’d sustained in her flight from the bank. The thin pinkish scars from the knife were nothing to the vicious bite marks forever set into her skin. She remembered crying her eyes out when they hadn’t healed properly, and there had been no way to know why. She placed her hands over his and gave him a small smile.

 

“I know you would. The people who hurt us are dead and dust now. We survived. These scars are not your fault, and I’m not ashamed of them.” She had been at first, but as they’d healed…she had understood that each one was a testament to her strength. She had withstood the very worst that Bellatrix had thrown at her, and she hadn’t broken. “Bellatrix didn’t break me, and if she couldn’t…no one ever will.”

 

“You are the strongest witch I’ve ever known.” Severus leaned down and kissed her tenderly.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Flashback**

**April, 1998**

 

Severus walked quickly up the crushed stone path that led to the old gardener’s cottage, hidden in a stand of trees on the edge of the Malfoy Estate. He opened the door and had to repress the urge to grimace, Lucius was in a horrendous state.

 

“What happened?” he asked, and pulled out his emergency potion kit, coming to sit beside his friend. The man had clearly been on the receiving end of the Dark Lord’s ire, and that never boded well. They had a pair of journals, enchanted to allow communication. Despite the elaborate enchantments on the books, they never passed sensitive information through them. It would be tempting fate. Only a time, and they both knew this was the place.

 

“She was here, Severus.” Lucius waved off Severus’s offered potion. “Your witch was here, along with Potter and the youngest Weasley boy.”

 

“No…” Severus felt the room swim and he nearly dropped the vial of blood replenisher. It couldn’t be true, she couldn’t be dead. The Dark Lord would have been crowing it to the whole world if he’d managed to kill Potter and end the war once and for all.

 

“She escaped, but…you need to know what happened here tonight,” Lucius said in an attempt to forestall the panic building on his friend’s face.

 

“Tell me what happened, everything Lucius. Don’t spare any details.” Severus leaned back in the chair and tried to force himself to sit still. Rushing off in a blind panic would help nothing, and he had no idea where she would have gone anyway.

 

“Greyback and his Snatchers caught them, not really knowing what they had in hand. During the chase, your witch managed to hit Potter in the face with a stinging hex, it made him nearly unrecognizable…thankfully,” Lucius said, shifting a little to a more comfortable position. “When they searched them, Bella found the Sword of Gryffindor in Hermione’s possession and she went…well, more insane than normal.”

 

Severus closed his eyes and shook his head. He should have gone to her in the Forest of Dean, explained the incredible danger she’d be in if it were ever discovered in their possession. Potter had been away from the camp and no one would have known the difference. He could have found her purely by feel, her magical touch everywhere in the air that night. Damn Albus to the depths of hell for all his oaths and protocols. He should have risked it.

 

“Bella tortured her and threatened to give her to Greyback. She cut her up pretty badly with that damned knife of hers.” Lucius swallowed hard. “Merlin, Severus…her screams.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Brave little thing didn’t say a word, not through any of it. A House Elf, that Potter liberated from me years ago, sought entry to the Manor so I let it in. The Elf released Potter and Weasley from the dungeons, and they came up to save her. They all managed to escape, barely. Bella called the Dark Lord, but it was too late; they were gone. House Elf magic is too hard to trace.”

 

“What spells did Bella use?” Severus asked, occluding heavily to try and stay in control. He wanted to wrap his hands wound that evil bitch’s throat and squeeze until every ounce of life had been wrung from her.

 

“Cruciatus, and a few meant to magnify pain,” Lucius said. “I would have stopped it, if I could.”

 

“She should never have been out there in the first place!” Severus stood and walked across the room, driving his fist into the wall. Pain shot up his arm, but he welcomed it. It drove back the rage and despair. She was out there somewhere, hurt, broken, and alone. She needed him and he had no way to get to her.

 

“She’s strong and she will recover. You have to believe that.”

 

“Why?” he snarled over his shoulder.

 

“Because the alternative is unthinkable. She’s alive and Bella didn’t break her mind. Physical wounds heal in time, and whatever she was doing with the Sword…it’s got the Dark Lord rattled.” Lucius closed his eyes for a moment, a wave of agony wracked his body.

 

“We don’t need him rattled, we need him dead. Making him paranoid only increases the danger for everyone.” Severus sighed. Hermione was doing her job, keeping the boy alive long enough to fulfill his mission. A part of him wondered if she’d figured it out yet, that Potter was a horcrux himself and that in order for Voldemort to die…so did her friend. There was so much he needed to tell her, and the distance was killing him. He sighed and turned to Lucius, at least he could heal him. It was something, he supposed. Nowhere near enough, but it was all he could do.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Present**

**May 5 th, 1998**

 

Severus took his time, starting with the thin pinkish lines on her throat, paying attention to each scar that marred her skin. The hot water beat down around them as he took his time, not missing a single inch. The bite marks were the worst, and turned his stomach to imagine Bella touching her like this. It made the darkness inside of him roil with a need to destroy, wanting to rend the dead witch to pieces over and over again. Her death had been far too quick for all the evils she had perpetrated on the world. He slid down her body, lips grazing across the soft expanse of her stomach. The skin jumped a little under the brushing caress and he grinned wickedly. He’d forgotten how ticklish she was. Her fingers threading through his wet hair were heavenly.

 

The healing burns along her hip and thigh were rough under his touch, so he made a mental note to mix her some special burn salve in the morning. It would resolve the healing much faster than the standard paste he kept in his medicine cabinet. His kisses shifted to the inside of her thigh, and together they shifted so she could lean back against the tile as he lifted her leg. The first moan from her lips shot through him like fire.

 

His hands steadied her hips, as he teased her with his tongue. He was utterly lost to everything except this one moment, and trying to give her as much pleasure as he could. While he had problems expressing his emotions, this he could do quite freely. It meant a lot to him that she never pressed for more than he could give, just accepted his damaged affections and returned her own.

 

“Fuck, Severus.” She gasped, nearly slipping a little as her knee nearly buckled.

 

“I’ve got you, just let go,” he said, looking up at her for a heartbeat before turning back to pleasuring her. He ignored the slight pain in his knees as her hands clenched in his hair, tongue sweeping over her in a demanding rhythm now. Merlin, she tasted so bloody good. Her gasps were getting louder, and then he felt her let go. So beautiful, his precious witch.

 

Carefully, he stood and gathered her against him. He was painfully hard, but right now this was about Hermione. While she languished against him, he shifted her under the spray. There was something very fulfilling in caring for her, attending to her every need. He washed her hair and imagined that if she were any more content that she would start purring. He massaged her scalp as he worked the shampoo through her hair, reveling in the mundane task.

 

“How did your visit go?” he asked after rinsing the suds from her hair, and began working a heavy conditioner into it.

 

“Better than I thought it would, honestly. We’re not back to where we were, but I think we’ll be ok. In time,” she replied and arched into his hands. “Mmmm, that feels so nice. Do you really want to talk about my friends right now?” She smirked and slid a hand down his stomach.

 

“I thought it was polite to at least ask,” he sucked in a sharp breath as she lightly scratched over the small ticklish spot just above his hip bone. She was very good at distracting him, and right now he had no qualms in letting her.

 

“How did your afternoon go?” She wrapped her hand around his length and stroked very deliberately.

 

Severus had to focus carefully to keep from tugging on her hair as he rinsed the conditioner out, and then tried to formulate a verbal response to her question. Damn witch knew exactly what she was doing to him.

 

“It went well…nearly perfect actually.” He gasped as her thumb circled tantalizingly around the head of his cock. “Hermione…”

 

“Maybe we should move this somewhere less treacherous?” She leaned up and kissed him, as her hand reached back to shut off the water.

 

“Definitely.” He remembered the last time they’d been in the shower together, and the badly bruised tailbone he’d gotten as a result. Not his finest moment, admittedly. He carefully extricated himself from her grip and stepped out of the bath, offering her a hand and with a wandless charm they were both dry without having to stop for towels.

 

“You need to teach me that spell,” Hermione said, tugging him by the hand toward the bedroom. 

 

The moment was so utterly light that it nearly startled Severus. Their earlier interludes had been overshadowed by the brewing war, and the weight of Dumbledore’s impending death. With that all gone, he felt…happy. He paused, shocked to realize that it had been a very long time since he’d felt anything like this, if ever.

 

“Severus?” Hermione felt him hesitate and she turned, looking at him with concern. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing,” he stepped closer and cupped her cheek in his hand. “For once…absolutely nothing is wrong.” He leaned down and kissed her, savouring every nuance of her lips and how sweetly she yielded to him. With an easy move, he picked her up and carried her the rest of the way to the bed. He could so easily get used to having her with him every night, and it frightened him a little how badly he wanted that. He would find a way to make it happen, somehow.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Present**

**May 6 th, 1998**

 

Severus looked around the room at his four Heads of House. This coming year would bring him to butt heads with at least one of them, if not all four depending on how tightly they returned to last year’s solidarity. Filius at least seemed at ease and Horace was watchful under his jovial exterior, just as he’d anticipated they’d be. Pomona mostly just looked uncertain, but Minerva’s steely gaze was doing little to reassure him that things would be smooth sailing. No, this was going to be quite a bit of work.

 

He’d woken wrapped in Hermione’s arms, and enjoyed a quiet breakfast with her. It had been domestic and frankly wonderful. She’d headed off to the Potions lab to work on some things for Poppy, and he’d prepared to face his former colleagues.

 

“Good morning, I’m glad you were all able to make it to this meeting. I understand you’ve been helping at St. Mungo’s Horace,” Severus began.

 

“Yes, proficient brewers are in short supply and they needed as many extra hands as could be found. They’re well under control now, so it’s no trouble to sneak away for a few hours. I was very surprised to hear the news about Albus’ deception, though in retrospect none of us should have been. The man was a master at overcomplicating the simplest things.” He sighed and helped himself to some tea.

 

“Well, done is done.” Severus waved his had to dismiss the topic. “I spoke with Filius yesterday about some of my plans for the coming year, and I have also had a long conversation with Kingsley. Any student without a home to go to this summer, will remain in the care of Hogwarts. Their safety is our first concern going forward. Progress has been made contacting the majority of families, and we will be sending the students home on Monday, the 11th. Pomona and Filius have both expressed their willingness to help look after the orphans and displaced students over the summer, and Miss Granger has also graciously volunteered to help as she is able. Because of the disruptions of the war, all students will repeat their current year, allowing any muggleborns to rejoin their year-mates with as little interruption as possible. Great ill was done here, and I will not rest until we have put it right,” Severus said.

 

“That is all well and good, but how are we even going to be able to convince the parents of muggleborn students to trust their children to us again?” Minerva asked pointedly.

 

“By being honest,” Severus said. “The magical world is a dangerous place, but so is their own world. Children who don’t learn to control and direct their magic are far more at risk than they were during the war, and we will be doing everything we can to make sure this never happens again.” There would be no more hiding from the truth around here. They would face all of it head on.  “Bill Weasley will be joining the staff as an interim Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, and will be going through the castle to make sure that the hex on the position is well and truly gone. He confirmed by owl this morning, and is looking forward to the challenge. Once I hire a permanent teacher, we will be structuring the curriculum to ensure our students can defend themselves. I will be hiring a new History of Magic Professor to drive home the lessons we’ve learned, and I am also planning to introduce a mandatory class on Magical and Muggle culture, so our students can learn to appreciate and respect their classmates. I welcome suggestions from all of you on how we can make things work. Next year will be hard, and your students will need you more than ever. I would very much like all of you to agree to stay, but I understand if you can’t.” He took a deep breath and waited.

 

“Who will you be bringing in to teach History, Severus?” Pomona asked first, breaking the silence.

 

“Filius is compiling a list, but I welcome suggestions from all of you. The person I have in mind as our future DADA teacher, I’ll leave nameless until I’ve spoken to them about the matter. They may have reservations about returning to the castle as a Professor,” Severus said, not tipping his hand.

 

“I’ll gladly remain, until things have settled more Severus. I can commit to another two years, to give you time to find the right replacement for me,” Horace said.

 

“Thank you, Horace.” Severus said. He knew Slughorn had only come out of retirement as a favour to Albus, and he would be a stabilizing presence during the recovery here.  

 

“I can commit to another few years as well,” Pomona said warmly.

 

“I’ll stay until I am no longer needed.” Filius chuckled.

 

“I’ll be here too…of course,” Minerva said, sipping her tea.

 

“I’m very relieved to hear that, thank you.” He mentally braced himself as he opened the most sensitive topic of the day. “I will be appointing a new Deputy, but given the demands that will be placed on all of you next year, I would like to give the position to one of the teachers not currently occupied with managing a House and Core subject. My initial thoughts were with Aurora, Septima, or Bathsheba. What are your feelings?”

 

“Are you saying I’m not capable of managing the responsibility, Severus?!” Minerva stood, looking positively livid.

 

“Minnie…” Pomona said, trying to defuse the situation.

 

“I am saying that I am unwilling to place the burden of three major responsibilities on any single person. You’re an excellent Professor Minerva, but you know full well that your duties as Head of House have frequently come second to your responsibilities as Deputy Headmistress, particularly because Albus so often shirked his own. Your lions need your undivided attention next year, what’s more is that they deserve it,” Severus said evenly. His words seemed to deflate her, and she sat back down and let out sigh.

 

“I suppose you are right,” she said and leaned back in her chair. “I…I always meant well, you know that I hope.”

 

“I do, and this isn’t about blame; I’m done with all of that. This is about the students and giving them as much help as we can. Who do you think would be the best choice, Minerva?” Severus asked, hating having to take the proud woman down a few notches, but it had been necessary. She was very much Dumbledore’s most loyal supporter on staff, and he would not let Albus’ regime continue.

 

“Aurora is by far the most organized of the three, and I have had her help with things when I was overwhelmed in the past. Septima is the most comfortable in the muggle world of the three, but gets quite lost in her own research. Perhaps you should put Aurora in as Deputy and have Septima assist during the summers with greeting families, if needed?” Minerva suggested, after a long moment of thought. “I can certainly give guidance to whomever you appoint, until they find their feet,” she added grudgingly.

 

“Thank you, Minerva. I am certain they will welcome the assistance.” Severus took a deep breath. “How is work progressing on the staircases? Will we be able to get the students down for a meal in the next few days?” They had to be going stir crazy locked in their dorms, but there was no help for it.

 

“We’re nearly there. We’re having some trouble with the fourth floor, but nothing we can’t sort out. I’d say we could aim for Friday, and by then it will be safe enough to let the children out of their dormitories,” Filius said.

 

“Good, I will plan to address the students then. It might be a good idea to meet with your houses to explain the general goings on at the moment, to keep them as informed as possible,” Severus said.

 

“Of course, Severus,” Pomona said. “We’ll make sure they’re prepared as well as we can.”

 

“Good, now if anyone needs me I will be here in my office for the rest of the day. Once Poppy releases me from restrictions, I will be helping with the repairs,” Severus said. “I’d like any names for History Professor to me by the end of next week, that way I can start interviewing early and get things in place well ahead of next term.” All in all things had gone far better than Severus had anticipated. Perhaps they would all find a way to work together again.


	10. Future Concerns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here's the newest installment of Painful Truths. Enjoy!

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Present**

**May 6 th, 1998**

 

“I’d been wondering where you’d been,” Minerva said, falling into step with Hermione.

 

“I went to visit Harry yesterday, and I’ve been working in the lab all morning to finish up the potions Poppy needed for the Infirmary.” Hermione smiled at the older witch. “How have you been? We haven’t had a chance to talk since the night after the battle.”

 

“I’ve had a great deal on my mind, dear girl. Would you perhaps like to join me for some tea? There are a few things that I’d like to talk with you about,” she asked.

 

“I’d like that, Professor.” Hermione said.

 

“Call me Minerva, dear…I think that the time for formalities is somewhat passed.” She said and together they walked down to the Transfiguration Mistress’ office. Tea was ordered and the two witches settled onto the couch by the fire together.

 

“I feel that I owe you something of an apology,” Minerva began. “I should have kept a better eye on you, and your friends. You were so often in danger, and I should have tried harder to keep you all from it.”

 

“I doubt even Merlin himself could have kept the three of us out of trouble.” Hermione reached over and touched Minerva’s hand. “It’s not your fault, and to be fair we were fairly good at hiding all the things we got up to. You had your hands full.”

 

“Yes, I suppose I did as I have been reminded more than once today,” she sighed and sipped her tea. “Severus has a great many plans for the school over the next few years, and I will not be resuming my post as Deputy Headmistress.”

 

“What? I…I’m sorry,” Hermione was shocked, not having thought Severus would go that far in his attempts to end Dumbledore’s influences.

 

“It’s alright, he has good reason for it and once I got over my indignation…I could see the sense in it.” She chuckled. “I’m not a young woman anymore and perhaps it’s time for me to admit that I cannot do absolutely everything all by myself.”

 

“You’re not that old,” Hermione protested.

 

“Maybe not in years, but two wars have certainly taken their toll mentally. I am due a little slowing in pace I think. Severus wants to bring in a new Professor to take over History of Magic and he’s asked all of us to put forward any names we felt might be suitable to the task. I wanted to speak to you before submitting my own list.” Minerva gave her a somewhat significant look.

 

“Me? But…I haven’t even passed my NEWTs.” Hermione blinked in surprise.

 

“That can easily be arranged later in the summer, but I cannot foresee any difficulties for you there. I have a feeling your name will appear on more than just my list, but I wanted your thoughts on the matter before I put it forward.”

 

Hermione fell quiet, shocked at the blatant vote of confidence that her former teacher was expressing in her abilities. Her throat felt a little tight and tears stung at her eyes. After everything that she’d been through, all the things she’d sacrificed…it seemed right that she might end up here. She loved Hogwarts and with Severus remaining here as Headmaster, it just seemed like the perfect progression.

 

“I’d be honoured to just be considered,” she finally said.

 

“I will make sure that Severus understands that you have my full support.” Minerva squeezed her hand. “I know that when we had career talks early on, you were considering a career in the Ministry, but…”

 

“After everything I’ve seen and learned, I frankly don’t want anything to do with them.” Hermione shook her head. “The same people celebrating Harry as a hero now were the ones tearing him apart for years because they were too afraid to admit the truth.” Bitterness washed through her and she knew it would be a very long time before she was able to think of the Ministry with any warmth at all. If ever.

 

“Hogwarts can be a good place to heal, from old hurts and fresh ones,” Minerva said. “I know that while Harry might have led that little defence group of yours in fifth year, you were the one preparing the lessons and researching the spells. You’ve always had a natural talent for teaching others. If not History, I do advise you to consider teaching in some capacity,” Minerva said. “A good number of us are getting to an age where we will be starting to think of retiring, and would be happy to take on an apprentice. I will put your name forward, but if History doesn’t hold your passion…do some thinking about what does. Given how closely you worked with Severus, I am sure he could give you some guidance on the matter as well.”

 

“I’ll give it a lot of thought, I promise.” Hermione smiled. Between Phineas and Minerva, it was clear that fate was pulling her here to Hogwarts. She just didn’t know if teaching History was exactly the right thing for her. She needed to do some thinking on it, certainly.

 

After her tea with Minerva, Hermione’s feet took her out to the grounds for a little fresh air. The Ministry had done remarkable work here, and it was as if the battle had never taken place. It made everything feel somewhat surreal, but she didn’t fight too hard against the sensation. A warm breeze was blowing across the water, and Hermione sat down on a fallen log and just soaked in the peaceful moment.

 

An owl swooped down, landing light beside her and offering a letter. Hermione accepted it and found an owl treat in her beaded bag for the creature. She still hadn’t been able to stop wearing it. She’d tried to leave it behind this morning in her rooms, but a cold fist of panic had wrapped around her throat. She had it disillusioned so no one would see it, but its familiar weight was calming. A quick check revealed no harmful spells or substances, and she couldn’t help but smile as she saw the familiar script across the front.

 

She broke the blue wax seal, and settled in to read.

 

_Hermione,_

_It is my hope that this letter finds you safe and well after the chaos of the battle. You have been in my thoughts a great deal over the last year, and I am relieved that in the end we are both still standing to enjoy our victory. I am so very sorry for what you endured at the hands of my sister, in my own home. There is nothing I can say or do that will ever erase such a vicious crime, but I hope one day you can forgive me for not stopping it._

_Lucius has been pardoned and his previous conviction commuted to time served. I know that this has to be, at least in part, your doing. My family owes you a debt that cannot ever be repaid, but if there is ever anything you need, you only ever have to ask. True friends are rare commodities, but I hope you understand that I will always be yours. One day, I would be honoured to have you return the sentiment._

_I hope that I will see you soon. Lucius, Draco, and I will be returning home to start repairing the damage done by the Dark Lord to the wards and property. If you need anything at all, even just a friendly ear, I can be reached there._

_Your friend,_

_Narcissa_

o.o.O.o.o

Flashback

August 8th, 1996

 

Hermione tried desperately not to fidget under the intense gaze of the older pureblood witch. After her brush with Death in the department of Mysteries, Severus had insisted on expanding her ‘education’. Lucius had been arrested, but had shared with his wife the truth of his arrangement with the Order, and she had agreed to offer some aide to them while he was indisposed. Severus had brought her here, to this seaside cottage, and told her that Narcissa would be overseeing this segment of her advanced education, without telling her exactly what it was. Harry and Weasleys were under the impression that she’d needed to go home for a few days for a family issue.

 

The tall elegant witch walked around her, circling like a wolf around a lamb. Hermione had only seen her a few times, but this close it was impossible to not notice just how beautiful she was. Her hair was blonde, pinned up into an elegant twist with every strand in its proper place. Her eyes were a cornflower blue, but currently they held only cool calculation and no warmth at all.

 

“Did Severus tell you why you’re here, Miss Granger?” she finally spoke.

 

“No, just that you’d be teaching me something and I’d be well advised to pay attention.” Hermione quoted, and saw the smallest upturn of Narcissa’s mouth.

 

“That does sound like him,” she said. “Come and sit down, I’ve had tea prepared. Events are in motion now that cannot be halted and Severus wants you to be as prepared as possible for anything that might happen. The Black family has always been renowned for their talents, and of my sisters, I’m the most skilled when it comes to the art of defensive magic, particularly warding. That is what Severus wants me to teach you. Whether or not you can learn it to my satisfaction, remains to be seen.” A dark smirk crossed her lips.

 

“What kind of warding?” Hermione asked as they sat down, reaching for the tea pot onto to have a mild stinging charm zap the backs of her hands. “OW.”

 

“Manners, Miss Granger,” Narcissa reprimanded her, and picked up a cup and saucer. “With milk, sugar, or lemon?”

 

“Just milk and sugar please,” Hermione said, and accepted the offered cup once Narcissa had prepared it. She was instantly reminded of afternoon teas with her Gran, who had always insisted on proper manners at the table.

 

“Now, I will be teaching you some advanced warding techniques that will allow you to hide yourself and others from anyone that might be hunting you. I’ll begin with the theory and we will move on to non-verbal and even wandless casting. When being chased, you cannot always rely on having your wand,” Narcissa said.

 

“Wandless wards? That’s mastery level work…” Hermione looked incredulous. It had been mentioned in the back pages of one of her books, but not as anything that she’d be attempting unless she pursued a mastery in advanced defensive magic.

 

“Indeed,” Narcissa said. “I’m not just some helpless society wife, Miss Granger. People dismiss me as Lucius’ pretty trophy wife, and they forget that I’m a Black and dangerous enough all on my own.” She finished her own tea, adding a touch of honey and lemon. “Let people dismiss you and it can give you a massive advantage when you might need it most. For example, people look at you and think you’re just a mousy bookworm, pretty but plain and nothing to fear. Severus and I plan to give you claws. Keep them hidden until they will do the most damage,” Narcissa said.

 

“Why are you helping us?” Hermione asked.

 

“Because I’m a mother, Miss Granger. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect my son. There’s no oath I won’t break or person I’d hesitate to sacrifice if it protected Draco. He’s my whole world and right now he’s very real danger,” she said, her fingers tightening slightly on the delicate teaspoon as she stirred. “A mother should always work to eliminate threats that endanger her children, and the Dark Lord has made himself such a threat. It will be to his peril.” She narrowed her eyes slightly, and then the emotion was gone. “Try a scone, they really are best when warm.”

 

Hermione swallowed and nodded. Narcissa was frightening, and yet there was something about her that Hermione could admire. She was choosing to stand against that Dark Lord and her own sister for the sake of her son. She wondered if Voldemort had any idea how badly he’d miscalculated. With a dark twist in her gut, she realized that Harry must have been right…and that Draco had taken the Dark Mark. Yes, for that Hermione could understand why Narcissa had been so willing to change sides.

 

o.o.O.o.o

Present

May 6th, 1998

 

Hermione folded the letter back up, and tucked it away. She’d send a reply tonight and try to reassure the other woman that she understood. It might be a long time before she was able to set foot inside Malfoy Manor again, but she didn’t blame the Malfoys for what Bellatrix had done. No, that had been all that crazy bitch’s fault, and now she was dead. She lifted a hand to massage her temple, realizing that she saw Narcissa as a strange kind of maternal figure. Losing her parents forever because of the memory charm had made her look for surrogates in strange places.

 

She doubted anyone could ever replace her father, but Narcissa had played the role of firm female role model over that summer. It had been hell trying to keep Harry and Ron from noticing every time she’d left for lessons. Between all the grueling lessons, Narcissa had worked on her manners teaching her about pureblood etiquette over increasingly more complicated formal teas and dinners. It wasn’t a warm kind of friendship, but strangely she did consider the woman a friend.

 

“I thought I might find you down here,” Severus said as he came to sit beside her.

 

“I just got a letter from Narcissa,” she said, smiling at Severus. They were in view of the castle here, so she took care not to reach out for him, but it was difficult. She’d have to be more conscious of her interactions with him now that things were settling down.

 

“Lucius will be coming to see me tomorrow, I have a few things to discuss with him,” Severus said. “I trust the contents of the letter were pleasant?”

 

“She wanted to apologize for what happened at the Manor. I don’t blame her family for what happened, that was all Bellatrix.” Hermione shook her head. “There was nothing she could have done to stop it, at least not without risking all of them.”

 

“It would be perfectly natural if you did, even a little,” Severus said.

 

“The first few days after it happened, I was so angry. I blamed everyone, for everything, but after lying in that bed at Shell Cottage for days, I knew there was only one person really to blame.” She looked out at the water. “I will hate Albus Dumbledore until I die for what he did to all of us. He threw us into danger rather than protecting us from it. We were just children.” Tears stung her eyes. “He’s the reason I learned how to lie to my parents when I was twelve, and why I had to lose them. Sirius once asked me why I erased their memories, instead of asking for help protecting them. I looked right at him and said that I knew they weren’t important enough for the Headmaster to save.” She looked over at Severus.

 

“They were important, if only because you loved them.” Severus reached over and placed his hand over hers and squeezed softly. “If there was a way for me to give them back to you, I would.”

 

“I know. I knew when I did it that there was no going back.” She shook her head. “I loved them enough to let them go, because holding on would have been signing their death warrants.” She raised her free hand and wiped away the tears. “Sorry, I just miss them.”

 

“It’s ok to miss them,” he said and stroked his thumb over her knuckles.

 

“Minerva asked if I minded her putting my name forward to take the History position.” Hermione looked over at him, wanting to change the subject.

 

“You’re already on Filius’ and Horace’s lists.” He chuckled a little. “I imagine Pomona will round it out to an even four by the time all the nominations are in. How do you feel about the idea?”

 

“I like the idea of staying here at Hogwarts, for a lot of different reasons,” she admitted. “I just don’t know if I want to teach history for the rest of my life.” It was an important subject, but she wasn’t sure she had the passion required for it.  

 

“Remaining as a Professor was something I wanted to discuss with you, but not for History,” he said and stood, drawing her up with him. “Walk with me?” he asked.

 

“Of course,” she replied and fell into step with him as they headed down the shore of the lake. “What did you have in mind?”

 

“I’d like you to consider taking on Defence, after Bill Weasley’s term ends. I’d have you work with him next year, teaching the younger students. He could give you some valuable training in curse breaking before he goes. I can think of no one more qualified than the witch that kept Harry Potter alive on the run,” he said sincerely.

 

“Defence?” Hermione stopped dead and looked at him. “But it’s the only OWL I didn’t get an O in.”

 

“Life doesn’t give grades,” Severus said meeting her eyes. “This war was a greater test than anyone could have devised. You didn’t just pass Hermione, you excelled. The position is yours, if you want it.”

 

“Can I keep your old rooms in the dungeons?” she asked, a little smirk crossing her lips.

 

“If that’s what you want, of course.” Severus chuckled. “We can get the contracts sorted out later, but I am glad that you’ll be staying here. Phineas will be pleased as well.”

 

“He’ll be very smug.” Hermione laughed a little too. “I hardly know what to say.” As they rounded a bend away from the castle, he pulled her closer and stroked her cheek.  

 

“You’re simply the best person I could think of for the job. And having you here at the Castle is a pleasant bonus.” He winked. “I’m going to be changing a lot of things here at Hogwarts, and not all of the changes will be popular.” His tone took on a more serious note.

 

“Appointing me to DADA will hopefully buy you some goodwill.” She was unable to help the slight roll of her eyes. Slytherins.

 

“Another pleasant coincidence.” He chuckled.

 

“Thank you, all coincidences and pleasant bonuses aside.” Hermione came up on her toes and brushed a kiss across his lips.

 

“We will need to be careful,” he said with a fair amount of regret. “At least for a while. You deserve better, and I’d understand if you didn’t want to keep hiding in the shadows.”

 

“I don’t want to keep hiding, but I know that for now we have to. It’ll take time before people are ready to know about us, and it would be better for them to see it evolve as a new relationship,” she admitted. It would protect both their reputations.

 

“Rather than guess at the truth?”

 

“What is it you told me once, truth is a matter of perspective. What really happened, is our business. Everyone knows now that we were working closely together, let them think that we forged a kind of friendship, and then it can grow from there. That way, we don’t have to hide everything,” Hermione said.

 

“Clever beyond your years.” He smiled fondly. “Then might I suggest we have a standing date for tea, each Friday in my office. None of the portraits will bother you, I can promise that.”

 

“Not even Dumbledore?” She gave him a look.

 

“Especially not him. I think if he even tried to speak to you, Phineas might find a way to set him on fire.” Severus moved back, hearing footsteps approaching on the path.

 

“Alright, tea on Friday. We can discuss the terms of my employment.” She smirked, heading off just as Hagrid came into view. Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor, that was going to take some getting used to.


	11. Amends

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Present**

**May 7 th, 1998**

History was proving to be the hardest hiring decision he had to make. Not only was it a vitally important class, for obvious reasons, but given that there were several members of staff approaching retirement age, he needed to give a thought to a possible successor for one of the Houses. Filius was the oldest on staff, and the most likely to retire at some point in the next ten years. Appointing a Ravenclaw to teach History wouldn’t raise any eyebrows either. That would mean that when Filius retired, he could hire a new Charms Professor and not be as worried about choosing a Ravenclaw for it.

 

The name at the very top of his list was a student he remembered from his own school days. Thomas Fawley had been a couple of years behind him, and was currently a guest lecturer at the Florentine Wizarding Academy in Italy. He specialized in early wizarding culture and the time before the Statute of Secrecy. He was a life-long academic and he had a feeling that he would be a solid fit here at the school. His name had been on both Filius and Horace’s lists, so choosing him would show respect to them both. He signed his name to the official offer. He’d post it with an International owl later today.

 

With luck Mr. Fawley would accept and then he could focus on finding a person to take on Cultural Studies. He would be abolishing the Muggle Studies course, as it had long been nothing more than a joke. The information was wildly inaccurate, and most students took it for an easy mark. No, there needed to be a bridge between the children that had been raised here in the Wizarding World, and the students that had come from Muggle Backgrounds. That kind of course needed a very special kind of teacher, someone who had lived in both worlds and more importantly understood them in a way that most couldn’t claim to. His original instinct had been to approach Andromeda, but he realized that for all her life experience, she’d never truly had to live as a muggle.

 

No. Only someone that had grown up in their world, but then lived in the other could successfully teach children about the intricacies of both backgrounds without bias or disdain. What Hogwarts needed was a Squib. It would be a pure theory class, with no actual magic required. That was why he needed to see Lucius. The other man would have a much better idea where to look for the ideal candidate. Squibs were a taboo topic of conversation most of the time. If a Hogwarts letter never came, children would often be shipped off to muggle schools, and set up in the muggle world. That was if the family wasn’t completely fanatical and killed them. His floo flared at precisely 2pm, and Lucius stepped out.

 

While still looking somewhat haggard and frankly a little unwell, Lucius was dressed impeccably. His hair smoothed back into a neat ponytail, and his head held high.

 

“Lucius,” Severus said as he got up from behind his desk.

 

“Headmaster.” Lucius’ lips turned up in a bit of a smirk.

 

“I was hardly going to let them run me off.” Severus snorted a little. “How are Narcissa and Draco?”

 

“They’re both as well as can be expected. There is a lot to do to put the Manor back to rights, but it’s coming along. How goes the reconstruction here?” he asked.

 

“It is progressing. We’ll be sending the students home on Monday, and the orphans will be remaining under our care for the summer.” Severus motioned to the two leather wingback chairs he’d had placed by the window. Tea appeared on the table for them.

 

“Good. I am glad you managed to survive, old friend,” Lucius said as he settled into the chair.

 

“You have Miss Granger to thank for my continued existence on this earth. Clever girl had a vial of Phoenix Tears, otherwise I’d have died in that miserable shack.” He smiled fondly.

 

“I do hope you thanked her properly.” Lucius chuckled and helped himself to tea.

 

“As often as I can manage,” Severus said somewhat smugly.

 

“Well, then I suggest you get that girl a proper ring before long. Even if circumstances require it to remain private for the time being. She’s about to be one of the most eligible young witches in Britain, and I would snap her up before others realize her worth,” Lucius said.

 

“And here I was under the impression that you didn’t like her all that much.” Severus arched an eyebrow.  

 

“I don’t particularly.” Lucius shrugged. “However, I do believe she’s the reason you’re still here and not just because she saved your life. She gave you a reason to fight. For that, I think you should hold on tightly and not let go. Besides, my wife is surprisingly fond of her and it would sew things up rather neatly.”

 

“I don’t want to rush her into anything and circumstances dictate…” Severus began.

 

“Yes, yes…circumstances dictate discretion and all that rubbish. Propose to the girl. Even the most secure witch requires some reassurances that she’s not a shameful secret,” Lucius said.

 

“I’ll consider it, but that is not the reason I asked you here.” Severus shifted a little in his chair. “I am looking to make some rather sweeping changes to the curriculum here at Hogwarts. I’m hiring a new History Professor and I will be introducing a Cultural Studies course. I want students to learn about both muggle and wizarding culture equally, so that there is less resentment and misunderstanding. I was hoping to find a squib from one of the old families that might be willing to take it on, but as you can imagine…” He trailed off.

 

“You’re not really in a position to know just who’s out there,” Lucius said. His head fell to the side a little, as he considered.  “You might want to try and track down Constance Greengrass. Her sister, Cherish, was in my year, and I remember her being very upset because her younger sister wasn’t going to be coming to Hogwarts. I think they sent her off to boarding school. They were only a year apart in age, and very close. I imagine they kept in touch,” Lucius suggested.

 

“Thank you, if you can think of any others, please send me an owl with their names. I have a rough idea of what I’d like taught in the course, but it would be better if they Professor had their own input as well.” Severus said.

 

“Naturally,” Lucius said. “How are you managing, really? I can’t imagine that facing your colleagues was terribly pleasant.”

 

“It could have been worse,” Severus said. “It’s going to take time to rebuild trust, but I’ll take it a day at a time. The Board of Governors will need rebuilding, and I want to have my changes in place before they are fully assembled.” 

 

“I’ll keep my ear to the ground, and let you know if I hear anything on that front.” Lucius promised.

 

Keeping ahead of things was going to be essential for all his plans, and Severus was very grateful to have Lucius firmly on his side.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Present**

**May 7 th, 1998**

 

Hermione didn’t know why her throat felt so tight as she stood outside the Fat lady’s portrait. She knew all the Heads of House had addressed their students this morning about everything that had happened. Tomorrow, they’d be going down to the Great Hall for breakfast and Severus was going to address them. She was worried for him, not because she feared for his safety, but she knew how hard it would be to say the things that needed to be said.

 

“I’m afraid I don’t know the password,” Hermione said once she was finally able to find her voice.

 

“My dear, there are few places in this castle where you would not be granted entry. Welcome home.” The Portrait swung open and Hermione walked into the Gryffindor Common Room. Tears stung at her eyes as she took it in, seeing everything just as she remembered it.

 

“Hermione! Guys! It’s Hermione!” Seamus sounded the alert, and in moments she was surrounded by friends and former Housemates.

 

“Guys, everyone give her a little space,” Neville finally said, able to see that she was overwhelmed. “Come and sit down, we’ve been wondering when you and the others would come to visit. We’re going mad locked up in here.”

 

“Thanks Neville,” Hermione said and sat down, looking out at all the faces staring up at her in a kind of awe. “We’ve been trying to fix the worst of the damage to the castle, it hasn’t been safe to let anyone really wander yet.”

 

“McGonagall said that Snape was still Headmaster, that can’t be true right? I mean, even if what Harry said was true about him being on our side the whole time…The things he did, he just can’t be serious about staying. Can he?” Neville asked, face grim.

 

“I wanted to talk to all of Gryffindor, Seamus…can you get everyone down here? I’m only going to want to say this once, and it’s something all of you deserve to hear,” Hermione said and waited while they went to grab the students still up in their rooms. Once the Common Room was full, she took a deep breath.

 

“I know almost all of you and I hope that even if we weren’t friends that you all trust me enough to listen to what I have to say now.” Hermione stood up. “When Voldemort was resurrected in June of 1995, I knew that things were going to get bad. I sent my parents away to protect them, because I remembered reading about what Voldemort and his followers had done to muggleborns and their families the first time around. That summer, I joined the Order of the Phoenix and Headmaster Dumbledore entrusted my training to Professor Snape. I had to swear an Unbreakable Vow to keep secrets from all of you, until Voldemort had been destroyed for good. I knew in September of my sixth year that Professor Snape would have to kill Dumbledore by the end of the year. The Headmaster was dying from a vicious and deadly curse, and he made Professor Snape swear an Unbreakable Vow to be the one to kill him. Dumbledore needed Voldemort to trust Snape completely so that he would entrust Hogwarts to him. Yes, he was forced to let the Carrows come here and yes he hurt many of you, but you have no idea how much worse it would have been if he hadn’t been here. How many more of you would be dead today, or maimed beyond fixing? He did what he could to control the damage and he’s staying because he believes it’s his responsibility to try and put things right.” Hermione spoke clearly, staring into the eyes of her former DA friends, needing them to understand. “You may not choose to believe that he’s a good man, but I am telling you now that without him, there would have been no victory. He saved my life after the Department of Mysteries, he saved Harry more times than any of us will ever know, and he saved every one of your lives because he stood between you and Voldemort every day since he was named Headmaster.”

 

“You can’t seriously be asking us to listen to a word he has to say!” Seamus swore.

 

“Yes, I am,” Hermione said calmly. “I don’t know what you all lived through this last year, but I know what I had to survive. I spent mere hours in the care of Bellatrix Lestrange, and I’ll carry scars from that for the rest of my life. She could have been given Hogwarts and I know she would have tortured all of you for sport. She’d have killed you, for no other reason than she wanted to. He did the best he could in an impossible situation, all I’m asking you to do is listen to him. That’s all.”

 

Neville stood and looked out at the room. “She’s right. We should at least listen to what he says tomorrow. If Harry and Hermione say that he’s always been on our side, maybe we should believe them.”

 

“Thank you, Neville.” She gave him a small smile as the others started to break into groups to discuss it.  

 

“Ok, enough seriousness for one day. Dinner should be here soon, stay and eat with us?” Neville asked.

 

“I’d really like that.” Hermione smiled at him. It had been a long time since she’d just sat here in the Common Room surrounded by her fellow students. It felt strange and she realized with a start that too much had changed and she’d never be able to go back to this. She mourned that loss, even as she accepted the truth that she was finally ready to take her first steps in the world following no one’s agenda other than her own.

 

**o.o.O.o.o**

**Present**

**May 8 th, 1998**

 

It had been a very long time since Severus had felt this nervous. If he had to rate the level of fear curling in his gut, it was on par with the night he’d gone before the Dark Lord after the Triwizard Tournament. He was standing just outside the teacher’s entrance to the Great Hall, waiting for the last students to be seated. He could hear Minerva speaking, urging the students to calm and listen to what he was going to say. This is the one thing that all of his plans and preparations couldn’t account for. If he couldn’t find a way to make the students hear him, then remaining as Headmaster would be pointless. He took a deep breath and centered himself before opening the door and striding into the room. His robes today were black, trimmed in green, with a matching green ribbon tying his hair back at the nape of his neck. Hermione had added that touch this morning as he’d fussed in the bathroom. He’d disliked it instantly, but her insistence led him to admit that it did change his appearance drastically. Maybe this would help distance everyone from that man he had been for so many years.

 

A hush fell over the room and the hostility was nearly palpable. He walked to the podium and stood looking out over the house tables. He said a silent prayer that this was the right thing to do, and then began his speech.

 

“First, I wish to let all of you know that the Hogwarts Express will be taking most of you home on Monday. Provisions have been made for those that cannot return home at the moment, and your individual Heads of House will be letting you know about that privately over the weekend. Repairs are underway all over the Castle, but the grounds are open for your use and I imagine after so many days in your dormitories, you will be happy to get outside. The Library and all paths to the Common Rooms are safe, but some areas will be blocked off and I ask that you respect these barricades for your own safety.” He paused, allowing a murmur of voices about the announcements before pressing on. “Meals will be served as normal and tonight there will be a feast to celebrate the end of the war. Before dinner, I would like to ask all of you to join me out by the Black Lake for a memorial service to honour all those that fell defending Hogwarts, and the Wizarding World.” Severus took a moment to steel himself for this next part.

 

“I am sure that by now, all of you have been told that I will be remaining as Headmaster of Hogwarts. Many things were done in secret in the last few years, for a myriad of reasons. Because of those secrets and oaths, I was forced to allow harm to come to you. For that, I owe the gravest of apologies to every single one of you. This is a place where you should have been safe and shielded from the war that raged outside these walls. Instead, you faced peril, fear, and uncertainty. The debt I owe to you won’t allow me to simply walk away and leave someone else to pick up the pieces. I cannot undo what happened here, no matter how much I wish that I could. All I can do is to spend every single day of the rest of my life trying to make amends. I will see Hogwarts rebuilt. I will see that all of our muggle born students are found and returned here for the education that was denied to them by Voldemort. I will fight to gain every advantage and opportunity that you all deserve. That is my promise to you, regardless of your house, your family name, or your blood status. The path forward will not be easy, but if we come together I believe that we can build a future where a Dark Lord like Voldemort can never exist,” Severus said, trying to convey his emotions to these children. It was anathema to him to be this open, but they deserved every bit of truth he could give them.

 

 “If you should choose to return next year, I would like to share some slightly happier news. Mr. William Weasley has agreed to come and teach Defence Against the Dark Arts with the assistance of Miss Hermione Granger, whom some of you may know,” he announced and was unsurprised by the sudden eruption of cheers from the Gryffindor table. “There will also be a new Professor for History of Magic, and I can assure all of you that you will no longer be subjected to five years of repetitive lectures on the Goblin Rebellions.” He felt some hope at the general chuckles from the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff students. “Madame Hooch wishes me to inform all of you that there will be a fun Quidditch match today after lunch, and anyone wishing to play is to see her after breakfast. Thank you.” He nodded respectfully and was utterly stunned as Neville Longbottom stood and began to clap. There was a hesitation, but then others began to follow his lead, members of the DA first and then spreading out like a wave. He noted that his Slytherins were the last to join in, looking extremely wary. They would need a more personal address. He’d visit them tonight with Horace, and explain the changes that were coming. They were not a group of students that liked change, and given the utter turmoil of recent events, they had to be reeling.

 

Severus went and sat down, only then sparing a small look to Hermione who was being gushed over by the staff. Yes, appointing two popular Gryffindors to the staff had been the right move, perhaps the only one that had saved him. He would need to talk to Longbottom at some point soon, and express his thanks for the young man’s show of support. He wasn’t entirely sure he understood it, but it had been exactly what he’d needed today.


End file.
